silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- boredom i went out last night with my girl CT. her relationship life is all drama, primarily because she lets it be that way. i was happy to go out with her, we went to some bar and sat and talked, drank. she drinks so little though and gets buzzed quickly. i wish i had a lower tolerance; i'd spend less. anyways, i realized that i'm not expected to talk about my own life, i only exist to listen to everyone else. i can only talk about myself and what's on my mind on here it seems. whenever i tried to get a word in edgewise or say anything about myself, it was quickly thwarted to convo about her again. figures. and then pretty much every 20 minutes her guy would call her asking when she's coming home, and she'd be annoyed and irritated with it, so i said to not answer or tell him it'll be late. she's leaving him anyways, she's been tired of the relationship for years, they are together because they have kids and he makes more money blah blah. but now she's leaving supposedly, checking out condos today. she even had the balls to ask me if i wanted to get a place with her, meaning her and her two kids. i thought i made it perfectly clear to people that i want to live alone, why would i want to move in with a whole family? anyways. at the bar these two guys came up to talk to us, and then in the background i see this other guy keep passing by and looking at me. he looks like he wants to say something, and he stands next to my friend and keeps smiling at me, so i smile back. i say hi to him and introduce myself. but it's sort of hard to talk to him because CT is there, as well as the other two guys. but there was something intriguing about him and i felt drawn to talk to him. he said that he guessed that i'm the same age as him. i asked him how old he was, and he said 28. which was interesting, because nobody guesses right, everyone always guesses too low, like 21-25. so i talked to him, leaning over the bar to get to him. he was cute, and no, this story doesn't end well. there were no numbers exchanged or anything. we talked a bit, he was fidgety and a little shy. he wandered away a couple times and kept coming back. the last time, he sort of just snuck by my side and stood there. i had to initiate conversation with him again, its like he was nervous. then he disappeared again and that was the last i saw of him, because CT really wanted to leave because of her idiot at home, and i couldn't convince her otherwise. we left that place before 1:00. i was like wtf are you kidding me? not to mention she showed up an hour late in the first place too. terrible. so yes. her guy got on my nerves, she got on my nerves, and i didn't get the cute guy's number. but i suppose that's fine, because of all the nervousness. at a loss again. i also had a dream about T, long lost T. i suppose the dream was expected, since i was thinking about him a lot yesterday for some reason. i don't know what initiated it. i guess the desire to connect with someone still runs strongly with me, and he's the only one i felt that connection with, regardless of the fact that our "relationship" was complete shit. anyways. oh yeah, it's because i came across a picture of him, the only picture i have of him, that he gave me. i miss the feelings that i had with him. i suppose i have that connection with M, but he is also unavailable, so that's pointless. ay ay ay, what's a girl to do? 11:23 a.m. - 2010-08-22 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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