silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Restless I hate that I wake up at random stupid points throughout the night. When I do so, I usually then beat myself up for not taking anything to help me sleep. But when I'm super drained and it's midnight when I'm heading to bed, I assume that I'll crash and stay asleep no problem. Yeah..no, not the case. So I'm not big on going on fb for long periods of time; I mainly go on when I get messages from people and when I have something random and clever to say to the world. I don't like to see everyone's trips around the world and their wedding pics and their baby pics and their posts about how awesome their lives and jobs are. Yes, I am admittedly envious, and I'd rather just not see these postings in the first place. So I'm on the other day, posting something random and funny that warrants several comments and likes in response, because I am so damn witty :) and I see on the news feed that this chick (here I go caring...) is posting on R's wall saying "hi when can I come visit you?" and she's nice and all, a little too bubbly for my liking, but I'm skeptical and sarcastic and untrusting and... what's the word...? Ah yes. A little jealous. So I'm immediately like grrrr. I believe she still lives in Cali, so I mean, that's farther away... Anyways blah blah he replies something like "whenever you want, anytime!" Hm. Hm. Look, bitch. You are close friends with him, closer than I am, known him longer, have tons of the same friends from undergrad. Text him. Or IM him. I know you talk to him, hell, everyone talks to him more than I do, I'm sure. I'm lucky to get his attention at all. So anyways, in a way I'm thinking, well fuck, maybe I should've mentioned my az trip to him sooner, because that is such a great appropriate time for anyone to do any visiting, thanksgiving weekend with all that time off. She's a hygienist, so it's likely that she will be off that weekend. Dental offices that are open on weekends are silly...important, but silly. I can't say anything though because the one I'll be at, I'll be working every other Sunday. Yippee... Blah. I'm just wondering if she is going to steal my glory moment. I know I'm not going out there with intention of seeing him, but if I do get the opportunity to do so, I don't want it to be with her around as well. What am I even saying though? I know that I won't have all the time in the world for visiting him, and even if I can, CG will most likely be tagging along as well. It's still worth a shot though, I won't give up on it yet. I don't know anymore honestly how I feel towards him, he's an afterthought, and I've gone from daily communication to not even monthly, and I have to initiate it most of the time. I don't know what I want, I don't know what I expect. I honestly just want to go down there, meet up with him at a bar, have a couple drinks, maybe hug it out, and go about my visit with CG and continue on with life. That's the safe way to do it. Such an idealized plan. But his other friend will prob take over, or he just won't want to kick it. Regardless of the outcome, I will plan for it. If it comes down to it, maybe he's going out of town that weekend too and we won't even cross paths. Just as well. Okay well I was hoping that writing would help me fall back asleep, but nope. Last night when I woke up around this time, I took some pills, and i remained sleepy after waking up. I'll just tough it out without. Ooh, I just yawned! Maybe there is hope... Toodles. If I find R online later, I guess I'll tell him what's up. If it's a no, hell, at least I tried. I do have some balls in there afterall. 4:44 a.m. - 2010-11-14 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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