silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fail Just when I think I'm getting better, I see CA for the first time in a good month or two, and yep... I am still apparently crazy for the guy. Can't say shit though. Can't tell him anything. Can't ask to see him, can't give any indication of interest. I see him with the group here and there, but I have made myself stop seeming like...well like I like the damn guy. I am to pretend I have no feelings towards him, in hopes that they will simply disappear on their own. Sadly, it evidently has not worked out that way, and my plan has many zones of error. For instance, I don't want anybody else but him. That kind of gets in the way of my emotions. How unfortunate. The good thing is that it was a simple, nonchalant drunken night with a handful of the boys. I talked to them all pretty equally, not giving too much attention to CA lest I gaze too long and fall into an abysmal trance. Can't have that. But he is such a fuckin attention whore, especially towards me, and he needs to still always touch me, hit me, mess with my phone, mess with my hair, mess with my earrings, throw my sweater on another area away from us, sip from my drink, sip from my other drink. Take the drink out of my hand and sip from it. Then stare quite obviously at girls in front of me, who he will never talk to or make a move on, likely just to make sure I see that he sees other girls. Yea, it affects me a tiny bit, but I know he won't make any moves on anyone, so I don't fret. Regardless, I crave the damn guy but I can't give him any indication. I just refuse to acknowledge it, again in hopes that it fades away. At the end of the night, we went our separate ways. We texted when we got home though, and I passed out before the last message, in which he said he was watching one of our videos that he recorded of me giving him a blow job. Too much infornation, sorry. I've been drinking. Love that damn kid. Must stop. I might see him at a concert we are both going to on Saturday, but it's a huge concert so I might not find him. Good to know that I am moving along quite gracefully away from him. Oh wait.. I'm not. Well damn. Maybe one more month. 7:23 a.m. - 2016-01-03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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