silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Escondido I realize that, once upon a time, I had this belief. Silly little belief. I held on to this wishful thinking, that one day, one day... And then one day, I was no longer a hopeful teenager... or a young adult... or a naive twenty-something... or whatever I was a year or two ago... Some thoughts and beliefs are strictly for the cinema. Shit, this reminds me of a poem of mine. I'll find it in the morning..something about someone being so happy, so elated that love was in their grasp. And then it is all a joke. Silly grasshopper...or was it unicorn? Or was it butterfly?? I wrote that poem years ago. Decades ago. I think I was in high school..maybe early college. Why did this just come to mind? I think it is in my folder, in the closet. I will find it. Anyways...I am just thinking. I was watching a movie that I adore, Run Lola Run. German movie, English subtitles. And I have always loved it, since the first day I watched it. I recorded it from my father's tv and have it on video cassette. But then I purchased the DVD, because, well...it was time. Several years ago. But it makes me think--hope. I had this silly hope, because of this movie. "Because you're the best." I got pretty high last weekend. It felt good. With CA. I had some thoughts in my head, and silly me, I kept them there. I stared at him and thought my thoughts, and I stood there. Silently thinking my thoughts, and smiling. Silly me. You're so beautiful. It has never been easy. Anyways. Bedtime. I have to be all good and responsible and professional and presentable tomorrow. People wanting me to volunteer at their clinic and be a wonderful, kind, generous dentist to their clientele. Introductions and blah blah. Why am I who I am? Why do I do what I do? I've been drinking. Perhaps smoking. Forgive me. And I had a lot of ice cream. But I've lost a good amount of weight, so I think I can eat some ice cream here and there. I have to find that poem. Sometimes I read my old poetry. It is dated from around 1997-2005ish. I remember who was significant during that time frame. I have a whole binder full of my hopeful thoughts. In the closet. 11:39 p.m. - 2017-07-06 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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