silver4's Diaryland Diary



Well, let’s see...hello there, it’s been a minute. Just came by, this site came to mind. I haven’t gotten around to saying much of anything these days. As usual, my world is work, work, work. Social life is fine. I haven’t gone to many concerts lately, which used to be my thing. I guess just getting older, losing interest in a few things. I’m quite fond of sitting around doing nothing, just watching movies or whatever these days. Maybe it is the weather. Granted, I still can get away with a tank top in the early afternoon on some of these days, but come nightfall when it’s going-out time, I prefer the comfort of my couch, wine, and heater.

I haven’t been exercising much at all. I am not the type to make New Years resolutions, but fuck. This body isn’t going to fix itself.

I’m not sure if I ever mentioned that my lead assistant is pregnant. She is due at the end of February, so it will be interesting having her gone for a while. Hell, it’ll be weird seeing her as a mom. Oh yes, I did mention it. Anyways. Enough about her.

The saga continues with CA, as it has for years now. At present time, our relationship is pretty good. Somewhere along the path, things took a turn with him. Now, he still won’t accept the reality of us, but he sure doesn’t leave me alone. We have transitioned from hanging out maybe once every one to three months after a concert and hooking up and that’s it, to hanging out maybe three times a week, although rarely hooking up. We talk almost every day, usually initiated by him; I’ve learned to hold my silence and pretend I don’t give a shit until the absolute moment I am cracking to communicate with him. We spend hours, if not days, on end together. We are joined at the hip in the eyes of the world, yet he is still ignorantly in denial. It doesn’t hurt me, I’m ok with it all these days. I get sad every now and then over dumb concerns, but I get past it. He knows how I feel, he just has difficulty accepting it, and that’s more his problem than it is mine. I do see him adapting, changing, improving, but i don’t say anything, lest it cause him to regress. I request my hugs and kisses, and he usually obliges. He has been more gentlemanly towards me as well, more polite. I don’t know. My favorite thing to do is that we go to the grocery store and cook meals together. Anyways..I’m lame, I know. I do need my time away from him though, because he really does eat it up. The funny thing is, he was the one telling me that he doesn’t like to spend a lot of time with anyone at all, hates to see people day after day, translating that directly to our relationship. So I would step back and leave him alone. Then he turns around and wants to hang out, day after day in succession, and then I accomplish nothing in my down time.

Anyways, I guess I’m happy for now. Happy enough. Still wish we could call it what it is, but I’ll have that conversation with him AGAIN maybe at the end of the month. He is a huge Valentine’s Day hater, so I would be curious to see if he continues to hate on it this time around. I’m sure he will, to prove his point. I’ll make sure to ignore him when the time comes. It’s all the nature of the game. We exchanged Christmas gifts for the first time ever. Neither of us told the other that we were planning on buying gifts. Small things, but still. It’s the thought that counts. I threw a party at my house for our friends to come and drink, hang out for Christmas Eve, and that’s when we exchanged gifts.

I’m too tired to continue. I’ll attempt to have better thoughts next time around, ideally within a week or so. Blah blah. Happy new year!

10:44 p.m. - 2018-01-03


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