silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- goldfish i am exhausted. i just need a break. i find myself always jumping to be everywhere all the time, to please everyone, but i'm sooo tired and although i play it off like i don't need the break and i can keep going-- which i can do-- sometimes i just don't want to. i need to get away from it and chill by myself. there's so much pressure to smile and drink and dance and entertain, and people have these opinions of me that they will continue to hold on to... i have to catch up though. i have to catch up on my life. i'm drained, and this weekend is going to be draining even still because i have to find a way to isolate myself and focus. ughhhh... why do they have to choose a place that is small and crowded? all i can envision right now is the floor sticky from all the spilt beer, and people talking to me who i don't want to talk to, even if i'm drunk. i don't care if my absence disappoints people; i'm tired of this. i want something else right now. i don't know if i'll be successful studying this weekend... if i could just crash right now, fall asleep, wake up tomorrow morning alert and energetic and ready.. it's definitely cheaper that way. crap. and i won't be able to go out next weekend. that will be so much worse, i won't be able to do anything for myself, i hate these distractions. i want to breathe. but i won't be able to breathe until this is all over. i am still waiting for my moment. i swear that there is a weekend waiting for me. i think maybe i ask for too much. whatever. i can keep going. that's why coffee was created. 7:50 p.m. - 2009-04-24 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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