silver4's Diaryland Diary

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closing my eyes

well i didn't take any pain pills. and i didn't grab a cigarette. my other best male friend was online and started chatting with me, and he successfully distracted me away from euphoria. and i say 'other' because it's him and R. anyways
i'm hoping to still fade away. i managed to change the subject with R and talk about something mindless again. i may be delusional, but in spite of all this revelation of nothingness, i still want him to like me. it's ridiculously lame, i know. i still know what i feel and what i see in his eyes. i told one of my girls, j, about what happened, yesterday about the first stuff, and today with the follow up update... she automatically took over the role of the supportive girl friend, who proceeded to tell me that i'm such a great person, he doesn't deserve me... etc....
okay, pause
i bought some sleep pills earlier today, since i haven't been sleeping well at all these last couple weeks.

well, i took some...

shit. i'm losing it already. good night.

11:05 p.m. - 2009-05-18

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