silver4's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Before...

I hate school. I hate patients. I hate that I can't get anything done at all. Today is going to be another bs day and so I'm pretty much going to fail out of clinic this quarter. Might as well start studying hard core for finals and see if I can at least pass those classes with something like an A or B to save my ass somehow. I hate being such a waste of a person. I don't want to go to school today. It's pointless, and I'm just not happy anymore. I don't want to see people...
Last night we went out for $2 beers and $1 tacos. Good stuff. I'm always down for the hookups, even if it's a school night. I stopped caring... Fuuuck I just realized I have to stay until 8 tonight! This only gets better. Crap. Anyways I came home drunk or buzzed, not sure which, but I grabbed more beer when I got home. Went to visit the boys. I don't know, I think I will just not go over there or something anymore because I... I don't know. I was drunk when I wrote in here last night. I actually fell asleep writing and woke up at 3 or so and saw it on my phone and just posted it without reading it. I am ridiculous, I am tired of me. I am tired of men and friends who I don't know if they are my friends anymore, I'm tired of clinic bs. I just want things to be better. Doesn't have to be perfect, just better. Just give me some improvement. I'm going to be stressed in vegas, I already know. I don't have anywhere there to release. To escape to. Like here at least I have the beach or anywhere to walk to. Vegas, not at all. Can't walk anywhere. I can drive somewhere and walk from there I suppose. I can go to parks. I will figure it out, I always do. Or I'll be pissed and anxious to come back here. No matter what, Im screwed and unhappy. The only good thing about today us the fact that my computer should get fixed. Hopefully. I don't even care. I do care though.

Fuck. I need the summer to be away from these people who fuck me up. I won't contact any of them, this crew. They'll have to initiate communication if so desired because it just isn't worth the effort for me anymore. I miss having friends who actually care about me and don't backstab me. But that's all over now. Everyone is married or getting married and has kids or so. I am the leftover. I have to find someone for myself I guess.

It's after 7 now, I have to get ready for school now. To just sit there and be tortured. Today is going to be terrible. We'll see how my mood is at the end of this. Also, last thing. R's sister added me on facebook. I always think that's weird when people you've met once add you. But she added our other friends too. But still. I don't add friends of friends.. Okay I'm really going to be late now

6:37 a.m. - 2009-05-27

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next