silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - So. It took a while, but the day managed to calm down. The morning started off rough, and after the BS with that one patient, and after heatedly chatting and texting with my 2 boys (my best friends... or whatever) about it, I had a nice beer to calm me down before heading to school... only to be confronted with another patient issue, which threw me up the wall again. yet another patient had come to the school to contact me, who had changed his phone number and needs soooo much work done, who i had tried to contact before because he needed at least 2 root canals, but couldn't. he was probably... oh, from around november or so. maybe before. and now decides to show up and say he wants an appointment for next week. not gonna happen. but he took it well and i scheduled him for when we get back from break. i was actually worried about him, and thinking about him lately, because he has a lot of work to do and i know those endos would flare up and mess him up, and he really needs to come in to get treated. but he waited too damn long and now we're going on vacation for a month... it sucks. i wanted to treat him a long time ago, and it just didn't happen. so when i saw that i had a message from him and that he had come by as well, i was fuming. and i saw it was a new phone contact number, so i'm not crazy. well, i am crazy, but not in that sense. i digress. when i first got to school, i saw JN, who is one guy who i can always mess with and throw sexual this and that at him. we tease eachother and say a fair amount of inappropriate things... rather, he says them mostly, i just egg him on. we balance eachother out. he is always very complimentary to me though and thinks highly of me for some reason. whenever we go out for lunch, he will always pay, except for one time i managed to. a lot of people think he's a dick, but like i said, we compliment eachother well, and i can tolerate his sarcasm and bs just as he can tolerate mine. i'm going to miss having him around. and i tell him that he will miss me, and he just stares at me, like i'm crazy. he's fun. anyways, when i got there, he was standing at the information desk with a patient, and he was watching me come in, so i smiled, went over and said hi. and the first thing he said to me was 'you brighten up my morning'. awwwww.... i love when he says stuff like that. it sort of stops me in my tracks because i don't know how to respond. i'm not used to the positive compliments like that. he's never refrained from telling me what he thinks about my looks and my body and what he wants to do to me. oh, so sweet. i don't know. we never managed to make anything of it, but i sort of didn't want to anyways. with him, i am always a tease. and he knows that, he calls me out on it. and i'm fine with that. but i think i should hook up with him anyways, just for fun. he's actually moving to vegas for his gpr, so i'll see him in the summer and probably when i go back during breaks. he's supposed to go look for apartments again this weekend. and i'll yell at him and tell him how he should fix things in it, and he'll love it. that's the way we work. i'm pretty sure we'll hook up, it just hasn't come up. okay i know. i sound like i fluctuate back and forth with a couple guys sometimes. here's the thing though: JN and I are cool, we flirt and tease, and i'll have sex with him because we do have some sexual tension there, i'm fine with that. i just don't want to do anything while he's here in school because i don't want people in my business. now R, he has my heart. i love him and want him and want to be with him. i am avoiding any potential emotional connections with other people because i am foolishly awaiting the day that he gives in to me. so i deem myself unavailable in terms of my emotions towards others, because they are all directed towards him. and i just let it happen. i just sit here and wait and wait, and get frustrated and sad and emotional, all the time knowing that part of him denies me, but enough of him cares that i can't let it go. i am adamant to be with him. i just wish i had the patience. and as i've mentioned in a previous entry, he's not sexual, for some reason he follows his culture's beliefs, but i love him enough to disregard the desire to have sex with him. i can hold out. i just want to be with him. and was there another guy?..... d2.. not really. he was just a hook up. M never happened, never will, but i'm not deleting his number yet. he was hot. he would also just be a hook up, no emotions involved. who else... MJ, he's a good friend, so i can't do that to him. and JG.. he's married, but the way he looks at me and hangs around me, with his wife in another country right now, and from the comments i get from other people about how he's around me, it seems like he might be flirting with the idea of crossing a line. as long as i didn't bring up the idea, i'm innocent. right? whatever. pretty much, i will hook up with people, but only R can have my heart. that sort of sounds like i'm trying to justify my future actions. whatever. maybe i am. 11:52 p.m. - 2009-05-28 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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