silver4's Diaryland Diary

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Checking out

I hate when people try to tell me or 'recommend' things that I should do. I'm on fuckin vacation, pretty sure that I'm going to do what I want to do and not go around and bore myself visiting people who I don't care to really see. They can wait until the last week of my vacation when I am running out of options or interests. I keep I contact with those whom I want to keep in contact with. I don't know what takes people so long to realize that I really don't give a fuck. I would rather sit on my ass twiddling my thumbs wiggling my toes and staring at the walls of nothingness than go 'see what _____ is up to'. I truly believe that if I move back here after school is over, I will be miserable just like before. But then again, I believe that we are responsible for our own futures, so if I were to become miserable, it would be my own fault. I would just have to make sure that I am far enough away from everybody. I am a bit of a loner anyways, if I stay in CA I would be just fine. Make new friends blah blah blah whatever. I have to figure out what is going to make me happy, because this isn't it. I know that my family wants me here -- to an extent. By family mean maybe just my dad and maybe one of my sisters. But also most of my friends are awaiting my return, perhaps just so they can work for me. Maybe also because we are friends though too obviously. I don't know, tough decisions to make. I still have time. The annoyances of life and some people out here just make me want to stay away though. I love this city, but I also love myself more and I need to do things that will make me happy. I wish I had more money saved from when I worked before school. I think I'm going to take out the max on my loans for the next period so I can put more away for when it's time to move. I will not allow myself to move back in with my dad. And there's no way in hell I'd move back in with D. I saw him yesterday, I went to visit, we went to eat. I really want him to find a new girl because I don't want him to think that we will ever get back together. I'm over it. We can only be friends, that's all we can hope for. He just needs to stop being affectionate towards me and complimenting me, it has zero effect.
Okay well I've gone off on a few different tangents. I should call my mom and see if she has any desire to have lunch with me. I already know what she will say: 'oh, I'll go, but I won't eat anything, I'm not hungry', the same old bs as always, so it's pointless for me to even try. Maybe I can get a sister. This break is going to get very boring, very quickly if I can't find a decent way to pass the time. I can't wait till M gets here, I have to plan out something fun for us to do because I pretty much have him all to myself on Monday. I'll try to behave, but I don't want to

9:57 a.m. - 2009-06-18

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