silver4's Diaryland Diary

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And back again

Back in the hospital, watching my sister. She called me at 5 this morning so my attempt at 6 hours of sleep turned into 4. She wanted tampons and neosporin. Nobody would give her neosporin for her scrapes because it wasn't prescribed. She doesn't understand that and she's getting irritated with the nurses etc, but it's not their fault. It's annoying trying to rationalize with her, she has always been like this. And they want her to get up and walk, but she's still in a lot of pain, and she asks me if that makes sense, when obviously she's saying that it doesn't make sense, she just wants me to say no, t, it does not make sense. She is just like D in that regard, they always want or need someone to reaffirm their opinion. But I'd rather she be here and annoying me than paralyzed or gone.
I'm so tired. It took so much out of me to get up this morning. I have to always run wild. She keeps complaining about her son and how she's going to take care of him. Obviously she will have help with our mom and sister etc, she is just too protective and too proud and baby's the kid and doesn't want anyone to help her out or something. The kid is a kid. He'll be fine. He'll bounce around and cry and smile and will have no idea that anything is wrong with mommy.
I just talked to my mom. Sometimes it's really a struggle for me to juggle and control and organize my family. It's always been like this. As much as I was the outsider growing up, I've become the one with sense, the mediator, the caretaker... It's just hard when I have to try to fix things when I'm living in another state right now. The same as when my mom was in the hospital during my first year, I was helpless but they still wanted me to do something. I can't fix everything, I can't fix anything until I graduate and move back here. One more year, then I have to get my own place, get to work, get my life together, and then try to protect and help my mom and sister. I'm tired. I've been in school for so long, I worked hard while I was taking full time classes. I've done so much in trying to get things together, I would love to have a break.

Breaks are overrated.

8:33 a.m. - 2009-07-06

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