silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- umm i was seconds away from crashing, going to sleep and relaxing from another long ass day, just about to jump in bed super early. and then i get a phone call to come upstairs and drink wine, that the boys are all up there. crap. and there i was, earlier walking home and congratulating myself on the fact that maybe i can lose some weight by not drinking throughout the week... yeah, that's completely shot, because i just told the group that we're drinking every day this week. go me? a few things for today. for one... R. dammit. it never fails. i keep telling myself that i don't care and i stopped caring and that everything is an altered version of jovial that we can just agree on, but then i see him, and i just want to keep looking at him because he is beautiful, and i still want to kiss him again and hold him and tell him that i love him. i swear that every time i drink, i have an overwhelming desire to tell him how much i really love him. but seriously, what's the point? what's the point. he knows how i am, i know how he is, the end. now matter the extent of the torture in my heart because of him, it is the end, he wins, no go. so, obviously, he was there tonight, and still is, sitting outside my front door in the hallway, looking wonderful and worthy of mmy "i love you". lame. i had to excuse myself and leave before i was caught staring at him. M. fuckin M. actually, no problem with us. we have a lot of inside jokes now, due to our circumstance. i think that simple little nothings sort of catch him off guard, like when the guy the other day asked if anything was between us, he sort of stumbled around it. idiot. if we act disturbed or upset about people's comments, it only gives them more reason to suspect our immorality or whatever it shall be called. and then today, he told some dude that his chick wanted them to write their own wedding vows, and then i volunteered to write his for him, and we just gave eachother a look, knowing i wouldn't say anything, but also that it's pretty funny the fact that we have to hide it. my little sister sent me an email saying thank you for the $500 that i sent her. i replied you're welcome, enjoy my tuition money. i'm fairly tired. M sent me pictures of his hot body years ago.. i fell asleep writing this. no idea what i wrote. blah blah blah, school, patients, men. i'll write when i'm conscious again and not influenced by alcohol... 12:33 a.m. - 2009-07-27 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||