silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- another day aaaaaahhhhhh another looong ass day.... i was in school from like 9 am- 8:30 pm. i'm sooo tired. i pretty much had to sit in lecture from 9-1, then 2-4, then i had a patient from 6- 7:30, which was actually good about the patient because i sort of pimped it on the time portion, once i got him anesthetized. it was so annoying because he has some high ass resistance to the anesthtetic, so it took a couple rounds for him to lose sensitivity. and i was doing such a tiny prep, it was lame all the time that i wasted waiting for the anesthetic to kick in. anyways, it took, blah blah blah, i did the work, peaced out. before my patient came though, i was in such a crappy mood. i don't entirely know why. but once i get started working, i'm fine. i just feel incompetent with my work sometimes, but i always get positive feedback from the instructors. and i ask them to tell me how i honestly did, pretty much after every prep i do. i just want to make sure i'm doing what i'm supposed to be doing and not like wrecking lives. i was freaking out last night about men again for some reason. i wish i weren't so lame sometimes. i'm ridiculous for being in this... i just chatted with M for the last hour. it's like so much sneakiness and pretending in front of everyone. it's actually pretty easy, there's no true suspicions. i believe. but with eachother it's so much fun. there is so much pent up right now, i hate that i have to wait until the right time to be with him, but i'm happy to know that it's just one more week. he's doing his bachelor party this weekend. it would be nice if i could go but alas, i'm not a man. it's okay. i always have a full plate of plans for the weekends as it is. and even throughout the week. i don't even know what i'm saying anymore. i want to sleep, and i hope to dream of him. i actually dreamt of both him and R last night, individual dreams though. the one with R was funny... falling asleep. meeting up wiht M early in the morn about a patient. good night... 12:55 a.m. - 2009-07-31 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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