silver4's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

and it controls you

i sort of feel like a slut. i pretty much waited for my friends to clear out of the hallway from playing beer pong so that M could pick me up and bring me over to his place. but they didn't stop playing until like 12:30 a.m. and then i think they went out. so he picked me up at 1 and i pretty much was like crossing my fingers that nobody was in the elevator, and then that nobody was on the main floor, and then that i wouldn't bump into anyone on the street. i even put my hood on from the jacket i was wearing and he picked me up a couple blocks from my building. that's terrible, i know. god. sneaking around is ridiculous and unnecessary. and then i had him drop me off this morning at a starbucks to get my drink so that i had an excuse as to why i was entering the building in the morning. yesterday he had dropped me off at school because i had left a book there that i needed to study for our test, so that worked out, but still. i'm glad this is over, i think. his girl is coming back tomorrow, and we have a lot of work to do right now, so we don't have time to get together again. we had sex 5 times in the last two days, so that's not bad, i mean, it's out of my system for now. and i do realize that i don't really want it, like i don't want to really be with him, so it's better this way. we're cool as friends. i mean, if his girl called off the wedding or anything and broke up with him, i wouldn't want him to come to me and want to be with me. i'm not really there. so whatever. as much as i hate this saying, it is what it is. i like how honest i can be with him, and tell him about stuff from my past relationship with D, and how i felt like just a sex object instead of his gf, and how i didn't even care to kiss him anymore, but it didn't matter because the relationship was over to me. and then he tells me about sex with his gf, and how routine it is, and she doesn't want to do anything different than standard. so i'm like, okay well, do whatever however you want to, like switching positions etc like me on top or from behind because i guess she doesn't want to mix it up at all. not like i'm the queen of creativity in the bedroom, but i do like to play around and i'm not against change. i think it's more fun. anyways. afterwards we just slept or whatever, it was late already. we are the definition of friends with benefits, but we don't have the underlying worry about one another developing a crush on the other because we know we like eachother somewhat, enough, but it keeps us from wanting to be together.

sigh. i'm going to take a nap and then go to the library to study. yay life.

10:45 a.m. - 2009-08-09

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next

latest entry

about me

archives

notes

DiaryLand

contact

random entry

other diaries:

wafa27
medikid
fragilegirl8
simeons-twin
minstrelite
deathoffsure
warpednormal
Guitarphreak
erari
ddup
ratherbored
cloudy-night