silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- same stuff as always R is perhaps the most innocent torture i will ever experience. he doesn't have to do a thing. he just has to exist. his existence, his presence, his persona, his everything, just happens to be exactly what is needed to make me lose control and any sense of direction or confidence in reobtaining stability and peace of mind. he doesn't have to say a word. it's okay. i'm allowed to be bitter about this. of course, i disregarded its presence when i saw it, but it's not like i can do anything about it, ever. i sort of want to ask him what it's like. i want to know what it's like to have someone obviously in love with you, and to just carry that information around like no big deal. to just know and be indifferent about it all. because it doesn't matter. i'm pretty tired again of it all. i will always be tired of it. he just makes me happy, you know? in the midst of all the bs, he actually makes me happy. he's someone i want to be around, at all times. i just want to be over him and stop caring about him. on another note, JS, the friend who is back in my life, is texting me all the time and saying all this interesting stuff about how he wants to visit me and blah blah blah. i don't buy it. i'm not naive. he can do as he will, say as he wants. i'm not going to fall for it. but i'm down to hook up with him if he comes around. no problem there. and then there is M, yet again. he who tells me that he can't get out the words to describe the way he feels towards me... whatever. 9:45 p.m. - 2009-08-30 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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