silver4's Diaryland Diary

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just checking in...

haven't been on here in a week or so. school makes me tired. it keeps me busy. and then the weekends keep me busy. plus i've been sick for a while, just a cold, but it's almost gone. anyways...

okay. i admit. empathy is not my strong point. i'm not too good at it. my roommate's bf broke up with her just over a week ago. it seems a little overboard though. relationships fall apart. it happens. it's best if you can stay together forever, but shit. it doesn't always work out that way. she's very hurt by it and cries a lot, and all her friends and family come over and send her stuff and write her letters of encouragement and give flowers and food. which actually works for me because i get some sweets out of it... i digress. i don't know. it just further shows my lack of heart in this matter. or maybe i'm just scorned bad enough from previous 'relationships' or whatever they are that i have had with people, enough that i am indifferent when i encounter these issues for others. i mean, i give my words of advice, i say nice things and i give hugs and try to be a good friend. but... probably because i've been through it more than she has. it's pretty hard, i know. i know how bad it feels, how much it hurts, how you want an explanation and you second guess things and think back on the times that were spent together, and wonder if anything could have made a difference. but i also understand somewhat where the guy is coming from, because when i broke up with my last bf, it was somewhat similar, in the sense that i just didn't feel it anymore, and it was too much for me to sit around acting like something was going to change in the relationship or in the way i felt, when it really wasn't. and you can't force it. i didn't want to drag along knowing that i didn't want things to be that way. and it sucks, but you have to follow your heart, and if it hurts another person in the process, so be it, but you have to be true to yourself. that's just the way i see it. he's being true to his self and i commend him for doing it, it just hurts my roommate too much and she is a wreck over it. she'll be fine though. she thought that this was the 'forever' relationship.

love.

an interesting thought. and another couple at school broke up. for the second time. i... don't know if i care... nope, i don't.

ah and so i went out for a birthday dinner (there's always a birthday, every weekend. it's actually annoying) and then out to some club unrelated to the birthday party, i actually skipped out after the dinner to attend the other event because i like to go out dancing whenever possible, and i prefer the other group of people to hang out with. anyways there was this guy there who goes to my school who is in the new class, and he's pretty cute.. at least, mostly, i think.. i was drunk, and i had been drunk all day. well i danced with him pretty much all night and came pretty close to just kissing him, but i wanted to be polite and good or something, i don't know. he was fun and kept saying that i was trouble, and i played off of that a lot, flirted etc. we exchanged numbers and he said he wants to go to lunch or something some time. we'll see. he's younger than me i believe, but they all pretty much are, so whatever. he lives in the same building as me, too, and he said that he wants to come visit sometime. i said sure...

that means i have to clean my room.

3:28 p.m. - 2009-10-11

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