silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- gn if i keep being bothered to counsel on broken relationships, i will never get to seriously study for this damn test. i am beyond behind, it is my own fault. i let everyone and everything interrupt me, and so i now get the honor of kicking my own ass. i have so many things to do right now. it's ridiculous. however, i can take a moment to sigh because i just chatted with my newest delight JB online and he is splendid. i saw him earlier today at lunch, and i got to talk to him for a bit before people came around and messed up my game by sitting in the area between us and then talking to each other, sort of blocking some conversation with him. no problem though, i had to leave after a while anyways to get things situated for my afternoon patient. so i went about my day, and when i got home i saw him online and said hey, we chatted a bit, he had to bounce, and then maybe 20 mins ago he came back and said hi again. :) sighhhh. so chat chat blah blah. he seems fun. not that that really means much. just an observation i suppose. so right before afternoon clinic, i was talking to M and he was like hey, i just saw your roommate, stay away because she looks like she's been crying again. and i was like damn. again. so at the end of clinic i saw her and we were going to walk home together. as she approached me, her face looked like a mess, and apparently she was sad and teary all throughout her appointment with her patient, so much that he repeatedly asked her what was wrong. i understand the emotions of the situation. but we're sort of in a professional environment, and sometimes we just have to pull it together and pretend that our personal lives don't take over our school/work lives. you just can't let it show. so she comes up to me and starts tearing up again, and i'm like no, let's go home and we can talk there. the last few nights i've been talking to her more about how she's feeling. it's pretty shitty. no matter what, when a relationship ends, it's bound to affect one of the people involved quite semi hard...semi at least. crap i just remembered more stuff i have to do tomorrow. time to start that to-do list. i'm feeling a bit tired for this right now. anyways i cooked dinner for the roommates. i like being in mommy-mode. i like making sure people are okay and fed and get home safe etc. and i like helping people feel better, but i don't think i'm helping with my heartbroken roommate. i can only say so many things, after a while, she has to take over. she has to see that it's not the end of the world although it feels like it. and she definitely has to see that she is wonderful and beautiful and fun, and worth so much more, and is so much better off without him. honestly, she can do better. but i know how it is. i've loved before, too. you don't want better. you want what you had. because the happiness you feel when you are with that person, that is already perfection. there's nothing more that one would need. it's just like with R and me... well not just like, but still. i can't help wanting him, even still. i sure as hell will pretend that i don't. but i can't control the yearning that i feel for him, the connection that i had with him... crap dammit, okay, remember the bad moments!!! okay good.. better. found myself slipping for a second. reality check. fuck it. i'm going to bed. 11:19 p.m. - 2009-12-01 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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