silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Recien I like being away from the stupidity of people at school. Fine, namely R. Being away helps me forget about things with him which is good, although I did have a bad day when I swear I couldn't go five minutes not thinking about him. It interrupts my life. My sanity. But being away definitely helps. I went out last night with one of my older sisters to some bar. We don't usually kick it, she's not someone I would choose to kick it with, but at the time I didn't have anything else going on so I went. It ended up being pretty good, I got to do my three of my favorite things: drink, dance, flirt with men. Worked out. Maybe flirted a little too much with one guy leading to him trying to get my number (nope) and today doing a friend request on fb (don't think so). I ignored it for now, I think it's just weird. So I believe that R might have come out here with his friends, I'm not sure. In a way, I'm semi upset if he did and didn't contact me at all. He doesn't have to say hey let's kick it, but it would be nice to fuckin acknowledge that you're in my damn city and going to party. But in another way, I really don't want to see him. It's so back and forth with him, always. And now that there has been a good week apart already, I am feeling okay. I'm in no rush to see him to be honest. Because of him slipping again, it is back to not being light and silly play. But whatever, we'll see. I was happy to hear like a month ago that JL had some girlfriend that he was pretty serious about, because that means he won't think about me. But apparently they broke up yesterday and my friend AV told him that I'm in town, and now I guess he kept asking about me last night and wanted to know what was up with me and where I am and what I was doing etc. Apparently he is lost and wants to settle down and have the right girl and is tired of the game. As am I. But I don't think I am the right girl for him. He is too good of a person, he doesn't deserve to deal with a person like me. I shouldn't have slept with him over the summer, but I can't help it, I like cute men and sex, am I supposed to just hold out? Not even the consideration of the effect on others can make me stop being the way that I am. I hate that he has always held me in high regard, unnecessarily in my opinion. I pretty much do what I want to do. And of course a lot of it is influenced lately by backlash of R incidents. Sort of like revenge sex, I act out of anger with him. I believe in hooking up with others to clear my mind. Although, I did tell myself not to pursue JS while I'm out here, because I want to be good. As if that would change anything. Who knows. The last few days I have been sitting around enjoying break, watching movies, thinking not of teeth or patients or requirements or the wonderful future. Funnily, for maybe three days in a row, I have happened to come across damn movies of love prevailing, all having something to do with the city I live in. Go fuckin figure. At least wall-e was set in space pretty much, otherwise I would be flailing my arms in exasperation. Which I sometimes do anyways just for fun. I have also come to realize that I have gained a good 25 pounds or so in the last year. I have to get rid of that somehow. My shirts don't seem to be buttoning closed quite as easily as they used to. Dammit. I saw some commercial the other day with some basketball players in it, and my admitted weakness is a set of beautiful, cut arms. There was some guy's arms that made my jaw drop and my eyes open wide. Delicious. 5:43 p.m. - 2009-12-27 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||