silver4's Diaryland Diary

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sharing

so i've been in the emergency clinic all week. good stuff. it's good because we just wait around for patients to be given to us, whoever shows up in with pain or whatever, then we diagnose and all that good stuff and do work or refer them to oral surgery. and pretty much all the spanish patients were for me, so i would sometimes either be inundated with hispanic patients or sit around doing absolutely nothing waiting for someone to either show up or for the front desk to give up and just give me an english speaker. either way, fine by me.

today we got out early for lunch, and M is in the rotation with me, as he is for most of my rotations, and so he's been pretty much hinting at if not directly stating that he wanted to hook up if we had time. we went and bought sandwiches and then went to my place, the first time we've hooked up in maybe 3 or 4 weeks, due to the 2 week vacation for one. the silly thing is that he has this issue with me dealing with other guys, and at the mention of one of my other pursuits, his demeanor completely changes. i see his face drop and he tries to pull it off but i know otherwise. and he tells me so, too. he says how he doesn't like it and he thinks someone will take me away and that he won't be my favorite anymore or something like that. we were on our way to lunch yesterday and i saw JB and we started talking, and M just waited silently on the other side of the wall for me, semi-eavesdropping. he wants to be my only one, but shit, i'm not his. he wants me to be obsessed with him and desire him, and it fucks him up to hear me talk about other guys. not like anyone else is really anything to me besides H on occasion, which isn't much. we'll see what happens. i don't think he really knows about how important R is to me though. i selectively withhold information about what happens between us, whatever it may be. pretty much the reason i started hanging out with M again was because of my first fight with R which had us not speaking for weeks. and then i got closer to M and he became more and more of my confidant. the way he sees it though, after we had our fight, M decided it was a good time to get me, out of selfishness. whatever works. although i tell him pretty much absolutely everything, i find it to be too much to tell him of more deeper and personal things. he can know all the superficial insignificant things that he wants to, about whoever or whatever. but when it comes to me giving a shit and getting hurt and caring... not going to share that. i think that stuff is mostly for here.

blah blah blah. don't think i'm going out tonight. i would like to be drunk though. i suppose that is being saved for tomorrow night.

this was yet another unnecessary ramble.

7:45 p.m. - 2010-01-08

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