silver4's Diaryland Diary

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closing the third eye

i took down the drawing that you gave me. i needed the picture frame. i suppose it was about time. i suppose after almost nine years, it was as good a time as any to get it out of my line of sight. it never really belonged anyways. it was just hanging there on the wall, a decoration, a memory, a symbol of a time long ago when i fell in love with the first person i couldn't have. you helped bring me to where i am today. thank you? you helped me create indifference. and now i have taken your creation down. now there is a blank spot. i don't know what to do with the drawing, though. i will stash it in one of my containers of miscellaneous items. i know i can't throw it away. because i don't want to. just like the unicorn. the unicorn that has a broken horn and a broken leg, and no longer stands upright, but merely lies on its side on the desk, collecting dust. i super glued the leg back on, but it broke again. and it is just as well.

i don't want to think about you ever again. i want you to be out of my mind forever, a memory that i can't bring forth because i can't remember the details. but i still remember every detail. i knew who you were. i still know you exist. and i still want to show you that i survived you.

enough about that. M keeps telling me that he is addicted to me and he can't control it. his girl is going out of town for the weekend and he immediately started inquiring about us hanging out. i really don't think it's good for him to be that way with me. it gets old.

i've been talking more with JB. he's goofy and chatty. i like that.

H... is H. stares at me from afar. a little creepy.

i'm planning a trip to washington to visit one of my girlfriends who moved up there sometime last year. we need to get together to be happy and normal again, and catch up. pretty much to just be happy with my best friends since high school who i love the most.

my birthday is coming up and we are planning a club party. the invite is already on fb. now i have to find some sexy stand out dress this weekend so that the guys will love me and R will drunkenly love me. that is all i ever aspire for. and my dad is coming up that weekend as well. he'll have to deal with the fact that i have to party and get drunk off of my ass. that's the way it works with my friends.

blah blah that's enough. i either have to find something to eat, find something to watch, or study like a good girl. or a mixture of all of the above.

7:52 p.m. - 2010-01-13

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