silver4's Diaryland Diary

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P-M

People have gotten into residency programs now. I didn't apply but they have spots for people who didn't. There is a spot in Vegas. If I apply to that one, I'll be settling. But that program is one of the more higher paying ones that i've seen. But I'll be settling. I won't be happy. But everyone else will be happy (parents, siblings, friends). There's spots in Hawaii. I think I could be happy there. And some in Arizona, but that's close to R which could hurt me in several ways, whether I see him or not. So do I just suck it up and possibly go back to Vegas where I am giving up on myself? I just want to be happy. I want to be loved. I don't want to be stressed and miserable like I was before. And sometimes I just want to be alone and away from my family. I think I'm just not allowed to be happy.

What do I do? I feel the pressure to make a decision for my life now. And I think that no matter what I choose, it will feel like the wrong one. :(

7:30 a.m. - 2010-01-26

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