silver4's Diaryland Diary

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All you need...

Sometimes it would be nice to have someone. Happy valentines day?
Last night there was a club event for the school. I got drunk as always, and it left me pretty nonfunctional today. I felt mostly okay but I was just sleepy and had no reason to get up so I stayed in bed for a long time. Around 3:30 I went to Rs to grab my phone charger that I had left attached to his iPod when we were all listening to music and drinking earlier the night before. We talked about the night, I had actually, for the first time in months, came home without R. I ended up leaving early with my friend S who was stumbling messed up drunk falling around and lightly punching his friends enough that security was pissed at him and wanted him out to get some air. They were actually cool about it, not really kicking him out but saying that he needed to be out for 30 mins, but he was being hard headed and went back in. I'm a fairly little person and he's not, and I was holding him up, and he cut loose and started punching people again. Security saw us and got pissed again and kicked him out again for a breather, and then we just went home. Good stuff. So the tables were turned and I was the protector, even though I was a drunken mess myself.

My roommate said that I looked too skinny and that I needed to eat. Yay to the skinny.

My other roommate told me that she has a slight crush on d2. She doesn't know that I slept with him. I don't think I should tell her though, because i don't want her to stop liking him. He is cute and all, a good guy. I think she would rather hear it from me than from him though. Hm. Well if things seem to get more serious with them, I'll tell her, just so it's cool because I don't want to lie to her or hold anything from her. Hm.

I think I'm getting better with R. It could just be wishful thinking. I don't feel the urge to hold him and kiss him. I feel as if things with M have made me more immune to R and the control that his existence has had on me. And I'm actually proud of myself for not going out tonight, I have to work on a project, some research and bs. I know that if I went out, it would be a round of me wanting R and wanting to stay over as always, and as much as I want that, I really don't. I don't want to care about him any more. Ah. Sounds like the boys are back home, I hear laughter outside my door. Not bad, 2 a.m. But yeah... I want to be completely over him, like I got over some other people since I've been in this city, other love interests. I'm just a loner when it comes down to it. I want to be with somebody but I don't want to compromise my feelings anymore. It's just not fair. But I love the company, I love sleeping in bed close to somebody. I don't like sleeping alone any more. I don't even need sex. I don't care about sex. Okay. Slight lie there. But I wish I could keep somebody beside me at night. I miss the feel of resting on a mans warm body.

Caring is overrated. I suppose I can always cuddle with my big pillows. Maybe that's why I have them.

M gave me some chocolates for valentines day. His girl organized some weekend thing for them, so they are off doing something romantic, or somewhat romantic, whereas I get chocolates and a pillow. Not that I'm jealous.

I should sleep soon. And cuddle with the pillow.

1:03 a.m. - 2010-02-14

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