silver4's Diaryland Diary

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amor a continuacion

last night i went out and partied, although i most likely shouldn't have because of this damn cold, but i was like fuck it, i wanted to play. there was a little hallway beer pong action and i just kicked back and drank a beer. or two. and D2 showed up and we chatted a little but he didn't go out with us. so it was the usual group, blah blah. and i tried not to drink much because of sick etc. i chatted a lot with JB who wouldn't leave me for a long time, until his friends, some girls, pulled him away to talk and dance, which was cool because it was the beginning and i wanted to wander. so i wander and i see MS, who also wants to spend the whole damn time talking, and i notice after i had left him at some point that he was lingering around me when i was talking to other people, and kept looking at me, and so i was like fine, fuck it, and i went to talk to him. he wanted to get to know me more, but after a while it got to be too deep of a convo for me because although i am awesome, i don't like talking about who i am as a person deeply etc when i'd rather be getting drunk and dancing. so i aborted that convo and we went to get drinks, and i told him i was going to wander again.

and i went inside (we were otherwise outside on the roof where there's an area to kick it) and go down the stairs, and what glorious angelic face do i see standing around waiting for me to dance with him? R. so i come off the stairs and he holds out his hand, and i know that he is drunk, because that is when he loves me. so i spend a lot of time dancing with him, which is my comfort zone. and sometimes we'd be apart from one another and dancing with other people. he'd go off with some girl, so i'd be like fine, enjoy, and then i grab some guy and dance. but then of course, true to the norm, once i am dancing with another guy, he gives me this look and tries to take me away. there were a couple circumstances in which i'd grab some random guy friend of mine in one of the other classes who R doesn't really know, and i'd pull the guy to the floor and we'd dance for a bit, and it wouldn't last because R would pull me away. which at times was fine because the guys aren't used to dancing with me and how i am, because i'm just crazy and all over the place and i like how R and i coordinate and we know how one another works it. we are a good duo in that respect; we know exactly what one another is going to do, whereas with other people it's random of course.

so the night ended and it was time to go home, and we look for cabs, and we had a group of 6 left when we were leaving, so you would think 3 and 3, but R and i grabbed a cab and tried to get any of the others to come, but they didn't, so we left just us. and it was a quiet ride, we didn't say much. he said he didn't have cash and i told him that it didn't matter, because i always pay for the ride back when it's just us two, that's just the way it is and the way it has always been. and i just stared off into the distance as we rode along in silence, i didn't want to say much really. i keep peripherally seeing him glancing at me, but i don't acknowledge it. and so i pay, blah blah, we go upstairs and stop at my door and bs chat and then go our separate ways. siiiiigggghhhh. whatever. tonight is likely to be the same thing. we have some other club we're supposed to go to... we'll see what happens tonight. the same thing as always. i have to try to finish this damn project that is due on monday. it's the last project we have to do for a while i believe, so hopefully i can relax again soon and stop having to do these damn projects and just focus on work. and drinking. and studying?

i just need to find a way to convince R that he is supposed to marry me and that all this not being together shit is bs.

5:05 p.m. - 2010-02-27

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