silver4's Diaryland Diary

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hm

so i told my roomie yesterday about how i will soon meet the love of my life. she asked, "well what if you already met him in school?" well shit, what the hell would that do for me? if i can't identify him, it wouldn't matter for me to have met him already. anyways. she is now joining me on the quest, for herself. so whenever one of us goes anywhere, we say "hopefully i'll meet the love of my life there". be it starbucks, grocery store, the streets, anywhere. last night i went to some bar and looked around but didn't find him, but talked a lot to the bartender who was cute, and i asked him what days he worked; we seemed to get along well. and my girlfriends keep asking me about my love life as if i'm actually going to tell them anything. i keep my world a secret basically. sucks for them. so anyways, we went to the bar and drank and blah, and then went to MJ's house where he had some friends from college over for a poker night, two of which i had met previously when i had went with him to one of their houses for poker as well a few months back. two of the guys were married, another i think engaged. don't worry, this is relevant. so we drink more and order pizza, play drinking games, etc. i flirt with the one who is engaged or just has a gf, i didn't get clarification on his situation, but i'm a flirt and i believe he was the best one in the situation for me to flirt with. the night winds down and people start passing out, inclusive, and married guy #1 (with kids) is sitting next to me and we fall asleep with my feet on him to keep my feet warm. he told me to. then MJ wakes me because he blew up his air mattress for me, and tells me to relocate. then i move over there to sleep, and a few minutes later #1 comes over to sleep with me, saying he's not going to sleep on the couch. i laughed, haha, who cares, i would do the same, and the mattress was big enough. so then he gets all cozy with me and puts his arms around me and gets all close, and i'm like hm, alright... and he rubs on my back and shit, and i'm pretty unresponsive and unencouraging, i'm just feeling him out, thinking that he can't possibly think of making any moves on me. so he's rubbing and touching my back for a while, and i'm like okay, it's fine, he's just being a drunkie, i know i like to be close to people when i'm a drunkie. and then his hand migrates to my breast and he starts caressing and fondling it, and i laugh and i'm like alright dude, that's enough. and so he stops and backs off a little bit. and so he tries to do small talk with me, but it's so late and i'm tired and i'm like ummm no... he doesn't touch my upper body any more, i let him be close to me though, because i admit, i just like having a guy to sleep next to. he places his hand on my stomach and i let that one slide because it's more innocent and he's not doing much, but i'm aware and make sure he doesn't try to wander south. and then i was afraid too that he was going to try to kiss me, because he was so damn close to my face, so i didn't turn towards him really ever, don't want to give any ideas. so eventually it ends up as innocent sleep, but after he had first started, i was thinking 'again?' because all this does is provide even more evidence to the my theory that i have some kind of giant bullseye on my forehead that says "hey married man, come hither". it never fails. M is a bit of an exception because he's actually a friend first, but damn, what the fuck? what makes these men bold enough to just go for it and come to me, knowing of course that i'm single, but thinking that i'll just accept if they start coming on to me? like i just disregard the whole matrimony issue, or even that this fucker has kids and a pretty wife who i've met? idiot. so i accept that i am a magnet for bold married men. not to mention that M believes that one of the instructors at school is into me. which is funny, so i just milk that one out.

in the end, i did not find the love of my life last night. nor at the grocery store this afternoon. perhaps i did meet him at school already and he's just some dumbass who i've had a tumultuous relationship with already... or maybe he's one of the married ones and will end up running off to be with me because i am so awesome. definitely a possibility. it's a quest i'm actually quite indifferent about, but it's something to look forward to when i go anywhere outside of my apartment.

i am also not much of a romantic, so it doesn't really matter. i have other things in life to concern myself with. like laundry and not falling for anyone any time soon.

can someone come over and hang up my laundry for me though?

5:30 p.m. - 2010-03-07

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