silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- uncertain i was forwarded an email about a residency program that just got accredited. did i already mention that? i don't know if i did. i was sleepy with my last entry. in either case, i think i'm going to apply. i am writing up an email to the program director. the only problem is that it is in some city in illinois that sounds very... opposite of me. but it would be for just a year, and the experience would be well worth it in the end. i'm not ready to move back to vegas, i don't know if i really want to. i feel like i want to stay in sf, but i have no resources and no potential position. and as an aside, i want to order some sushi but the free delivery doesn't start until 5 :( i must wait 30 mins. but anyways. so yeah. i am so torn about the future. i just want things to come together. i want to feel decent. i want to feel good about what i do. i want to feel confident about my competence. i spoke to my younger sister last night, and it was just as draining as it always is in terms of how everyone seems to want me to come back and has all these damn expectations with anticipation of my return... i believe i am the only one who isn't excited about going back, and i think that my dissatisfaction speaks volumes to the direction of my future. i love las vegas. i love being there, i love what it has to offer. i just don't see myself being happy. i can foresee stress and irritation. maybe one day i'd want to go back. i think i have time though. i'm young enough to look around still and find where i should be. i know my family isn't happy with that thought. i haven't really discussed it with my parents. but it isn't about them anymore. it's purely about me and my life. decisions, decisions. at least i can order food now. sweet. 4:17 p.m. - 2010-04-04 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||