silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- being lame annoyed at life, just a little. annoyed with school. happy to be away from clinic a few days this week, but not far away from the stresses of school still. 7 more weeks... i can do 7 more weeks of this, right? i've already done 2.75 years. i'm studying again for this bs exam. just paid the $345 that it costs to get it going. i talked to one of my sisters and she said that my dad still plans on flying out here like a month before my graduation (for his birthday supposedly), but did a one-way ticket so that he will drive down still with my stuff. wtf. no. i don't have that much stuff that it would warrant two trips of driving or anything. in terms of "furniture", i have a bed, a tv, a computer that sits in the closet that was my dad's, a couple fold-up tables, and a mini fridge. big whoop. that really isn't shit, at all. i am keeping my fridge because it houses my beer. i am keeping my bed because it maintains my ass. what does he want me to do, sleep on the floor? no. i don't give a fuck. the annoying thing is the fact that he keeps saying this shit to my sister, but he doesn't say anything at all to me. he just says, oh yeah i'll be coming out. none of the accessory info like that he plans on fucking with my shit. nope. you don't touch my shit. nobody touches my shit. i mean, hey, maybe it means i'd just sleep in R's bed every night, for the last month of my dental school career. ugh. so fuckin annoying. i don't know how the hell he thinks of this shit. actually, i do know; it's because of my aunts and uncles and their kids. because when my cousins went off to college or something, they loooved it when they got visits all the fuckin time from their parents. and they looooved having them drive with them and all their shit to campus. he keeps forgetting, however, that i am not them. and i don't like to be fucked with. and although it may be intended as a kind motion, it's more intrusive than anything. because then he wants me to pack my shit up while i have other things going on. he has really good timing. really good. because i have one exam on that saturday morning for a decent portion of the day, it's 3 exams altogether, 1.5 hours each... not bad, i'll be done by 1 i guess. but then i have another exam to study for, a cali law and ethics thing for if i want to practice out here, i'll have it done, and that's on the monday of his wonderful visit weekend. and hell no, none of that shit is going to change. he is a man who truly has zero regard for my plans in life. i really hope he brings somebody to kick it with, because i am not going to sit there and watch movies and sports with him all day like i did last time he was out here. sorry. i get really pissed when i feel like my life is being messed with. there is a reason i moved away. it's not just because the school is amazing. it's also because if i stayed in las vegas, i would have gone absolutely insane. so what does this make me do? well for once, i did not resort to finding the first bottle or can of alcohol i could get my hands on. partly because i ran out of vodka, partly because i ran out of beer, and partly because i don't want to open up this beautiful bottle of wine if i don't want to get completely drunk right now. however instead, i continued studying (awesome) and subsequently fell asleep, surprisingly. i then talked to M for a bit online, vented a little, but left it at that. and then studied some more, and then decided it'd be amazing to just continue my apartment search. so i found some place that could be decent and i could afford it initially, if i settle for a one bedroom. :( i want two, but i suppose it's unjustified if the place is only for me. anyways, i calmed down, and now i'm semi alert and back in the zone. i want to cook something but i don't have much to work with. i don't want to move back to vegas. i don't care about all of the "opportunities" i can get out there. my friends mostly don't think i should move back to vegas. ugh. alsdfhal;sdfj annoying. everything is annoying right now. i'll just look things up, look and see what life has in store for me. maybe vegas is my fate. maybe it's here in sf. i don't know. i don't know anything. i know what i'm thinking though. i'm thinking that i want to believe in fate and i want to think that the best, ideal, most wonderful decision will come forth. even about relationships. or i'll just resort to being a machine again and simply be career-oriented. meh. i should cook something now. 8:46 p.m. - 2010-04-19 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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