silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- it's all messed up but we'll survive i am eating a jar of chocolate frosting while i figure out what to cook. i'm feeling a little bad for those cupcakes i wanted to make, they apparently shall have no frosting... meh. i should shower. later. i am on a rotation 3 days/week for 3 weeks in a community clinic in oakland. i actually really like working in community clinics. it's a good opportunity to provide dental services to people who are of a disadvantaged background and don't have the opportunities or resources to get some needed dental care. it's mainly kids that my group deals with since we are still students (not for long!), but it's all ages. anyways, i enjoy it, good times, making a difference, and it's not about the money, which sort of means the most to me. granted, yeah, i'm going to be broke as fuck when i get out, but at least i'll feel better and not feel like i'm working somewhere where it's all about production and cosmetic/aesthetic dentistry. i do like aesthetics, but i just can't see myself rocking in one of those offices where every patient wants veneers and stark white hollywood teeth and perfection. i want to do the stuff that makes me feel like i'm leaving some kind of influence on people's lives and introducing them to a future of oral health. i know, i sound corny. but it's how i feel. i just want to feel satisfied with what i do. i know i could feel satisfied doing a mouth full of restorations, if i were that kind of person. i don't know, when i see a mouth full of crowns, i think a pocket full of money, which is what it all boils down do. money is good, but since i have this ever-nagging desire to have true happiness pounding in the back of my head, i think i should take some mind to it. this frosting is good but now it's getting so deep that i can't successfully dip my finger in to grab without getting part of my hand chocolatey. hm. today was a good day to feel pretty. my friend has a patient who loves to see me in clinic, he stares at me and says hi and is super smiley, and then when i leave, he asks his doctor about me and says that i'm gorgeous and hot. :) then my other friend has a regular thursday patient, who i've chatted with before because he was also gazing at me, and he overheard me speaking in spanish to one of my patients, and so he started talking to me in spanish as well, and now he's always trying to talk to me. today he asked me if i had a boyfriend and why not and how he doesn't understand why i don't, and then he asked me about if he asked me to dinner, would i go out with him. i said maybe. he's actually attractive, i love his eyes. he's also fairly older than me though. actually, i'm not sure how old he is. maybe he just looks older. he's probably only mid to late 30s or so. i keep forgetting that i'm 28 and it's about time i stepped it up. i need to start dating men in their 30s now. GODDDDDD I'M ALMOST 30.... so that's two guys... then there was a dude in the waiting room when i was getting my patient who told me that i was beautiful. fuckers. they are just empty words. but still. makes me feel good, but still makes me think WTF WHY CAN'T I GET SOMEONE THAT I WANT INSTEAD OF ALL THESE DAMN PATIENTS THAT MESSES UP THE WHOLE DYNAMIC OF A LEARNING ENVIRONMENT??? but those are just thoughts. it's a school. i'm there to be their doctor, not their date. (although i wouldn't mind maybe going on a date). anyways. ummm other than that, i worked on some denture stuff and had hygiene patients. one patient really loves me, she's so sweet and says she feels comfortable with me. she and some others don't like that i'm moving back to vegas. it's sad, i like them, enough that i will actually give them my real phone number instead of my other phone that i have specifically for patients, that is prepaid and will be discontinued come june or shortly thereafter. and i can't wait. i'm only going to give me real number to people i like enough to check up on. i love my patient who i had tonight, she never calls me by my name, she only calls me 'doctora', and she's really polite and formal about it. and we always hug at the beginning and end of the appointment. see, this is what i want. this makes me happy, making people feel like this. i've been feeling lately that i don't have enough confidence in myself, but then i get these positive experiences and it really does make it all worth it, because the patients make me feel like i'm not shit and that they appreciate me and the time i spend with them. anyways, i'm getting lame again. i'm going to make some boring food and then read something or watch some dental videos, because i want to learn and learn and learn. i want to learn how to pimp life. and how to force a guy to fall in love with me. but that'll be too much work for that one. food time. 8:48 p.m. - 2010-04-22 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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