silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- silly man i have been so lazy. and haven't written in here in a while. my bad. not that long though. i keep trying to write and then i fall asleep or have half thoughts and nothing gets accomplished. anyways. last couple of days, nothing significant. lots of lab work, staying long days after clinic, not getting much time to chill after school. i feel like i'm just busy busy busy. i really hope i get out of this damn school in time. my friend C, who i've known has always had some thing for me, he's been pushy on me the last 2 days about hooking up. we went out on friday night to some club that our group goes to occasionally by default. it starts out good and all, drinking blah blah dancing. i'm dancing mostly with R because he's my boy. then C, who is very drunk, grabs me to dance and he's like "we should make out right now" and i, being me, respond with a haha. he's like "no i'm serious. i've always wanted to fuck you. we should just fuck. i want to make out with you, i want you so bad" blah blah blah it goes on and i just laugh it off. but then after we leave the club, he continues. endlessly. "i want you so bad. come on, come over here. come home with me" and i'm like "no, let's stay with the group, you're trippin, come on, let's go..." and it goes on for a long time of us back and forth and i'm just like fuck, we need to get a cab, i'm tired of wandering around. and R and the 2 other guys we were with, they are ahead of us also trying to find a cab, but then of course C is saying that he and i should get a separate cab, and i'm like al;sdkfja;dslfkjn. so it ends up okay, we all grab a cab and send him home and we come back home and i sleep at R's, happily ever after. then saturday morning, it takes me a while because i'm hungover, but i go to lab, along with several other people because we had all this shit to do for tomorrow something for school. then at some point, C shows up, and he's like "i feel like such a retard" and i say "nah man, we're cool. it's all good" and we chat like nothing happened. and we go about the majority of the day that way. we had some school bbq party at our complex, and when he shows up, i continue to talk to him like normal to let him know that it's all good and it doesn't really faze me. but then, the alcohol starts flowing, and the bbq is over and then my group starts the real drinking for the night, and C gets all close to me again, telling me that we should hook up. but silly me, i'm the type of person who encourages it, because what kind of girl doesn't like the attention, so we are texting one another and he's saying how i wouldn't be able to handle him, and i say how we'll never know, and it's just semi playful, but he gets pushy like "we should do it though, i want to know what it's like with you, just once. we won't tell anybody because i don't want any rumors started" and i'm like wtf you're still trippin. and he's like "tonight, come on." and i say no, not tonight. blah blah blah, it goes on like this, all via text, a little talking but mostly text because everyone is around. so the night goes on, we're all drunk, things are winding down. at some point i go in to my place and chat with smart roomie and drunkenly confess my love for and obsession with R, and i come out and nobody is in the hallway. i go to R's where i assume people are, and it's just R, d2 and this one chick who i'm friends with but i don't really care for because she was stupid before when R was stupid, and although i've gotten over it mostly with them, it's never been the same with she and i. and i could care less. anyways, so those people are there, i drunkenly convince d2 to burn out matches on his tongue with me, and i happen to have a nice sore spot on my tongue right now (super smart of me). d2 leaves and the chick leaves and R is trying to sleep but i can't accept that so i keep talking to him, then i ask him if he'll let me stay over if i promise not to talk anymore, and he says yeah. so i go home, brush my teeth (yay me!), grab my keys just in case the roomies lock me out, and head over, and we go to sleep. i have my phone on his nightstand, along with my glasses and earrings etc. the nightstand is by his side of the bed. (oh, also the night before, when we were going to bed, he was telling me to scoot over and he asked "where's your pillow?" referring to his pillow though, the one i use when i sleep over. but he called it miiiiineeee how fuckin cuuute I LOVE HIM!) so yes. i am on MY side of the bed, and we go to sleep, fairly early but bedtime per alcohol exhaustion. sleep sleep, blah blah, then around 1:15 my phone goes off for a text. i'm like, fuck that, there's no reason anyone should be texting me right now, i'm with the only person i want to talk to. then it goes off again. and again. so i don't want to disturb R in his peaceful slumber, so i get up and reach over his precious body and turn my phone to vibrate, but as i do it, i see that it's C who is texting me. i don't see the content, but i can assume. so i go back to sleep. then around 2:30, C and that chick, they come into R's room and wake us up with their noise, and C is doing something on the computer, i try to ignore them and keep sleeping. eventually they leave after i had already fallen back asleep, and i know that C had seen me there in bed. which, good, i want him to see that and possibly stop pursuing me. so we wake up eventually and get going because today was bay to breakers, a time to get drunk with everybody else in the city, a big city-wide party basically. and people start calling R because he's supposed to meet up with them. so i leave and grab my phone, and i look at the messages, and it's C saying "come to my place?" and 20 minutes later "come to my place" again. i like how the first one is a question and the second one is a command. nice. so i'm like meh, ignore, too late now anyways. but i absolutely love the fact that he texted me that and an hour later he saw me in bed with R. i love it. so i go about my day, go home and rest and shower, then oblivious roomie wants me to come out because she is at bay to breakers, and so i'm like fiiine, fuck it. so i go there around before 11, and start drinking and partying with the rest of the city. R is supposed to be around but we never see eachother. :( so i tell oblivious roomie more details about C from the previous night, and apparently she had told all of her damn friends about it because she thinks it's funny, which it is, but still, it's none of her business. anyways, lo and behold, who comes around? "look, it's C!" exclaims roomie. and i'm hoping she's kidding, but nope, it was him. so at first he's like avoiding me or something, and i'm like oh come on. and i'm like "hey, sorry, i had fallen asleep by the time you texted me last night" and he's like uh huh. so then later he stops trippin and he says "i hate you sometimes" and kisses me on the cheek, and i say "and sometimes you love me" and he says "but seriously, we should try it, just once". persistent little fuck. so that's about it though. i'm actually really hoping that i wasn't dreaming that C had come in last night at 2:30, i don't want to ask him about it though, because i don't want him to go on about our future sex session that's never going to happen. at least i don't think it will. i mean, i know it was someone there, i think it was his voice. blaaaaah. so that's it basically. yay weekends, a time of pure alcohol consumption. M is getting restless and wants to hook up. i'm good though, i can do without. i still want him to just get over me and deal with his wife. that's me trying to be nice. H was supposed to come by this weekend but we never really touched base with one another. which was fine. although i did try to initiate it this round, i'd be fine with him also fading away completely and dealing with his wife too. i mean, i want to get out there and play with people just like the next girl. but it gets to be quite exhausting with these guys sometimes. i was tiring trying to push C away all weekend. when am i ever going to study??? i want to go to the grocery store now. i really want some coffee. wheee 6:21 p.m. - 2010-05-16 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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