silver4's Diaryland Diary

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wasting time

not going out tonight. surprising actually. not even drinking in the hallway with the boys. very strange. i had planned on it, but it just didn't happen. i stepped out for a brief moment to see the boys, but i was making food too so i went back inside. i started thinking about how i might as well get used to not being around all these people, and how our friendships are sort of strange because i don't feel close to anyone much any more, and these are the people who are my supposed friends...

meh. i've always felt out of it from the group, the outsider. i've always felt like i'm an intruder in my own circle. it doesn't matter, it's almost the end, blah. so i was sitting around cooking and eating and thinking man, it's just not the same, i don't belong, blah blah blah, and i'm thinking about how i should try to not stay over at R's next weekend or ever again really, to try to wean myself off of that dependency i have, and i convince myself that i won't go unless he directly asks me to. so i catch the end of that "valentine's day" movie that came out this year, smart roomie was watching it with her friend in the living room. [which, by the way, there's some part in the movie (don't worry this doesn't really spoil anything in the movie) where it's a little indian girl like 8 years old or so, and she has a crush on some other kid, and her mom's like "don't worry, when you are older your father and i will find you a nice indian boy to marry," and smart roomie and i turn and look right at each other and laugh. because that, in some opposite lame twisty way, is my thing with R. go figure.] then i go to my room and get on the comp to semi study semi procrastinate (yay diaryland), and then like maybe 20 minutes ago, i hear R and AY in the living room, and they come down the hall to my room and ask me if i'm coming out to play, and they keep saying come on come play. and they ask what i'm doing, and i immediately alt-tab away from here (haha) and AY's nosy ass stares at my computer as i'm chatting with another mutual friend. i say i'm studying and chatting and watching tv and then R's like "aahhh you said study, bye" and they leave. so yeah. every time i try to write him off, he comes back. he tried to recruit me to play. :( and i had to say no. so sad. but it's actually better this way because i wanted to go to school early tomorrow morning (by 7, wtf???) to help facilitate things with the people who are taking their licensure exam this weekend. they need volunteers, and i anticipated being drunk and at peace in R's bed tonight, but instead i'll be... sober and in my own bed. ugh that sucks. but it's for good cause. now i'm just rambling. i could've sworn i had something decent to say earlier. can't recall though.

by the way, i love watching cougar town and modern family. little things they say on those shows just crack me up. i wish there were more episodes to watch instead of having to study for this bs :(

oh and since i watch tv online mostly as it is, they advertised this commercial which for some reason also cracked me up.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Q4JLsNtDsM

good night dland. but not really. because i don't think i'm going to sleep any time soon. and i'll probably keep the browser up. and i'll probably get back on this site and say something again or see if anyone updated. because me + study= blaaaaaaaaah

11:46 p.m. - 2010-05-22

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