silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- the last friday i'm so behind on reading entries, and i don't have the time right now to get on it. i will soon though, i need to catch up on the dland news. last night we had an alumni banquet at the ritz carlton (heeeyyy) as a celebration dinner and awards ceremony for people worthy of awards (don't be surprised, i didn't get one. meh.) it was a really pretty night overall, started with appetizers and champagne. we all got all pretty and shit. i had went shopping in the morning and bought 3 dresses at macys for $100, i love sales. and everyone loved my dress, and complemented me on that and my hair, which was different. i generally wear my hair natural which is basically a super curly afro, but since i won't be able to wear my graduation cap on top of that, i spent hours straightening it after my shopping spree in the morning. and nobody was used to me with my hair straight, and i curled it and got all girly and dolled up, so it was a dramatic change. when the boys saw me when we were meeting up to head out, they were all shocked. of course, the only opinion i care about is R, but i'll get back to that. so we get to the ritz and everyone is looking all lovely and of course we make a beeline to the free champagne. i mingle with the professors/dentists and everyone says congratulations and i say thanks, blah blah blah. then who comes around: older married dr who says weird things alluding to his interest in me. he comes by and says congrats, and we chat for a bit. he comments on my loveliness and i agree with him. and at first it's light stuff, other people come around and interrupt our convo, it's all good. and then he pretty much confirms what i assumed of him, and he tells me that it's been really hard for him trying to contain himself around me and that now there aren't those boundaries of me being a student anymore, basically that he wants me. he said that he thinks i'm gorgeous and mysterious and wanted to figure me out, wants to know my past and how i am, that he sees something in me and needs to know more. and i'm just standing there sipping on my champagne and eating my mini sliders, nodding my head and saying uh huh, yeah, i know. yep, i'm mysterious. yep, there's things about me you have no idea. yep, i knew what you meant all this time, i figured you wanted me i'm not stupid. then he says he doesn't know what he will do without me there, and i told him that there will be other students who are awesome, then he said that no one will replace me, and i said yeah, i agree, i'm amazing. i didn't really say anything to lead him on, i didn't say anything encouraging him, i was basically being polite and trying to remain professional, which he was obviously slipping on. it's crazy, it's like he really developed some addiction to me. then he said that he had to go talk to other people because he was getting worked up, and i said okay, see you later. hah. so i immediately texted M and said that my suspicions on that dr were correct. oh and i semi had to avoid M or be super flippant around him and not hang around too much because his wife was there and there's been so much suspicion recently i didn't want to make it worse. and i see this other dr who was around a few weeks ago, who had said he graduated the year i was born, and i chat with him a lot and he also tells me that i look gorgeous and he gives me an appropriate kiss on the cheek, says congrats, all that good stuff. his wife was there, he's not a threat, but yeah. i chatted with her too. and i chatted with older dr's wife later on too. i don't say anything of course, i'm not stupid. but don't worry, if older dr tried to make a real move on me or something, i'd stop him. i'm stupid but i'm not that stupid. plus i'm not in any way attracted to him. so blah blah blah, we drink more, awards are given out, we eat, food is good, and we daaaance, my favorite thing. i dance a lot with R but i mix it up and dance with everyone, but mostly R when it came to the men. then some friends had left for a club, so R and i left for that as well. partied it up there. i was basically drunk all night. then R wants to leave and go home, so we go home. as we are in the cab, we're just drunk and quiet, and then he says that he really likes my hair straight like that. he usually doesn't give compliments. he's usually pretty difficult to read and if anything says asshole comments. but he said that and i was semi taken aback, but i said thank you. we get home and we are in the elevator. he had initially said he was tired and that's why he wanted to leave. but as we are in the elevator standing on opposite sides, silent, he asked me if i was tired and i said no. i asked him if he wanted to watch a movie and he said yes. so we went to his room, the place that i told myself to avoid, and he puts on a movie, we get in bed and fall asleep to the movie. it ends and we wake up, we chat a little bit. then he mumbles something and i'm like did i just hear him right? so i ask him to repeat himself and he says nevermind. i ask again. and he says that he wants to grab my boob. .... hahaha.. i'm like... okay, do it. because everybody does basically, my girlfriends and i poke at each other, why not? but then he says no. that was very weird. but at least i know i still somewhat have his attention. so then i get all lovey towards him and hold him and all that crap, but i don't do anything, i hold back, i don't say anything. and we go back to sleep. a few times in the night he'd throw his arm around me and get really close to me, and those moments i loved him. then other moments his back was turned and i hated him. then other moments i'd be resting my head on him, then he'd turn onto me and suffocated me, and i tried to gently tap him to get his attention and i was like um...friend? um... but he didn't know, he didn't hear me, he was asleep, so i had to maneuver myself out of his grasp and from the blankets covering me. and then i loved him again. so that was my night. i come home around 9:30 and my place smells like weed, people were smoking here last night. i exchange stories with oblivious roomie about the night, i tell her about my dr crazy and we crack up. i don't tell her anything about R because i never tell her anything about him. so here i am now. i have to go to the bank. i have to shower. i have to straighten my hair again so that R can look at me and love me. those are my immediate plans. my dad and 2 sisters are in town now, so i guess i have to meet up with them at some point. and i have a friend here too with her hubby, who i saw briefly yesterday when i was dress shopping. we'll all go out tonight. R said that he leaves on monday :( i'm leaving tuesday or wednesday, not sure when. god i have to start packing dammit. okay gotta get off of this comp. last night was the last night i believe that i'll stay at R's. i told him that too, and he asked why, and i said because it's over, and he said hm. tonight i can't stay over because i believe my sister will be sleeping over tonight. so my only other hope is sunday night, which i would like, but i'm not sure if his sister will be staying over there. sigh. blah blah blah shower time. but why do i attract only married men, seriously? why? and why all the R drama? why can't i just get someone simple??? fuckin men. yay shower time :) 10:07 a.m. - 2010-06-12 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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