silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- new life back in vegas now. mixed opinions on the whole matter. completely drained and my sleep is off from the incessant packing and the drive down here. so i'm at my dad's. my belongings are in the garage in boxes. sitting in boxes, in the garage. :( i need my own fuckin spot. and then i don't have a car. i need my own fuckin car. this isn't going to work out. i have things to do. i'm freaking out because i have to get on paperwork regarding my license, tons of stupid forms and miscellaneous bs things that i have to do. i suppose while i wait for all that shit to come together, i can start trying to find somewhere to work. but in the meantime, it sucks. i don't know how to pull it all together. i have to get my life going. and wow wtf just happened with this basketball game? fun. i'm uploading pics from graduation now on fb. lots of pics. fuuuuck what do i do now??? i have to get things together. so annoying. and no money. so hard to accomplish anything in life without money to start it off. dad is cooking something. smells good. haven't eaten anything today besides coffee as i was driving, snacks during driving, cake when i went to see my mom (congratulations dr cake), and then more crap. i want to go out tonight because there's nothing else to do. i like that AT is here. i think that we will kick it a little bit. he exposed his heart about this one chick at school and how he feels about her, and i felt like i had a similar story to tell about R, except that he still had a chance to do something about it. i tried to encourage him to pursue and try to make it work, because when you care enough about somebody and you don't want to lose them, you should do as much as you can to maintain whatever hope is left for being with that person. so as is obviously unfortunate for me, i can't make anything change, i just accept it because i have no choice in the matter. so i told him to try to make it work, for me, since i can't. i feel so embarrassed when i confess to people the nature of our friendship/etc. it's like i try to rationalize what happened with us and i tell myself that it was true and that there was interest, and that it wasn't purely alcohol-associated. but honestly, right now, i don't want to think about it. from now on actually. never again. that part of my life is over, so now it's on the next part. with a new someone to love perhaps. i do wonder how he is though. i saw he was online but i didn't say anything to him. just as well. 8:45 p.m. - 2010-06-17 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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