silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Old habits Okay yeah it's an obsession. I love the challenge of a taken man. At the reunion meeting thing there was a guy there, he has a gf, blah blah blah. I get it. I'm the evil other woman. I always will be. Such a terrible role to have at such an early age. It happens. I don't think I'll pursue this guy though. But it was fun flirting with him. And WTF it's not my fault when the guy starts complaining about his relationship, what am I supposed to do but start flirting? Yes, I know: terrible. Early on my drive this morning, my mom called me and said that she talked to my aunt on my dads side, one who had come to my graduation. My aunt told mom how my dad was beaming and happy and so proud of me. Mom said "of course he's proud, he should be proud of you, you should be proud too". I said well yeah, he should be proud, I don't have anything to be proud of for myself, I just did the work, blah blah. And she said blah blah "he has a reason to be proud, so do you" blah blah. But what I was thinking though, why does she say that my dad should be proud, but not her? She's my mom, shouldn't she be proud of me? Shouldn't she be on the same page as my dad? I don't expect much from her, but in saying that, why can't she say that she's proud too? Whatever, maybe she isn't. Maybe she doesnt realize that maybe she should be. It doesn't hurt me. I don't think that she thinks before she says things. It's sad to say, but I already think that although out of her children I am the most accomplished, I recently started thinking in the last 3 years that she doesn't really like me. Any woman could give birth to a child. I sort of thinks that she accepts me and that's it. I'm sure she loves me. She's just really fake towards me. It's sad to say, but that's the way I feel. R knows that too, I've told him. It's life. Whatever. Blah blah blah. Even people I barely know say that they are proud of me and happy for me. From them it sounds genuine. From my mom it sounds forced. I try to work on our relationship. I just don't know if she wants to. I love her. Just not sure how she feels towards me. On that note... I don't know. I should find a guy. I'm bored and I don't want to keep borrowing others. 11:45 p.m. - 2010-06-26 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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