silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This week I will ____ I wish I had a job. I wish I had a license. I wish I had a car. I wish I had something to do, somewhere to go, someone to visit. I still want to look into online dating sites, but I feel semi lame because I have no money, no car, no job. I mean, that stuff is all somewhat superficial, but it's important, because I don't expect a guy to pay for me (although it would be nice), I wouldn't have anyone pick me up and I'd need to get to the meeting spot somehow, and i would like to be able to say something about my life and what I do besides sitting around waiting for my license to process. This is such a boring process. I'm bored. I'm just damn bored. The good thing is that my financial resources aren't depleting quickly, so I still have money to work with before I have to ask dad for money. Ugh. Yeah, so I don't see myself as an ideal date quite yet. Sigh. In due time. So I'm wondering how I feel about things, people. I haven't quite figured out if I still care about R. I think that I want to care about him, because it's something to work for. I want to care so that I can want him to care. But I really don't, it's so strange. I keep saying I want this and that and love and interest, but it's so generalized as of now, and I honestly dont want any of the issues affiliated with liking him. I sort of feel like as long as he is somewhat around and not married, I will keep finding a reason to care about him. So the easy solution would be to get this guy married off asap. I don't even care, I'll hopefully be invited to the wedding, but if not, so be it. No animosity against the way things are supposed to be, right? I still find myself hoping and praying and wishing on random stars, wishful thinking. I want someone to complement my spirit. It's almost midnight, I'm falling asleep. Good night. 11:41 p.m. - 2010-07-18 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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