silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- lalala M will not stop texting me. and calls me, which is nice, but not all the time. he always tells me his status. i don't know if i encourage him to do so at all, but i don't really need every detail. it's because he is bored during the day as his girl is at work. and that's when he wants to talk to me. incessantly. and it's getting annoying because now he is calling me his love all the time, and saying he loves me, and i'm sitting here rolling my eyes. and i never say i love you to him, because i don't, and i don't play into that game. but he's like fishing for it or something, and he said something the other day after i told him that he'll find a job easy because everybody loves him, and he was like "everyone except for you, you don't love me". aaaand the eyes roll. so i ask him, wtf, do you want me to say that i love you or something? and he says yes. such an idiot. i had called him out earlier saying that he's satisfied as long as i put out, and he said he would stop having a physical relationship with me for a year and only have an emotional relationship with me to prove how lovely he thinks i am. ugh. i mean... yeah, ordinarily one would be flattered. but not in our situation. and he gets upset when his girl comes up in conversation, even lightly, like we were looking at pictures online and i commented that some pics of them were cute, and i wasn't even saying it remotely sarcastic, i was being honest, they looked cute. but then he got all saddish or so, like it bothers his heart or something. but i think...well... you're the one who chose to be with her, don't get all sad and cry to me because your situation isn't ideal with her and she doesn't make you happy all the time. it's not my fault. blah. CH thinks that his relationship is not going to last for too long, and it they have kids, it'll be pretty screwed up. he also always says he thinks our kids would be cute. vomit. he knows i'm not that kind of disillusioned girl and that that stuff doesn't make me swoon. he's crazy. i'm glad i don't lose it for him. i do want to cut the physical stuff out of our friendship though; it's easy since we don't see eachother. i tried to say it to him again, like how i don't like the way it was after our friend's wedding. but whatever. i need to baby step it with him. other than that... i did get to schedule that test, so i have it on monday, wheeee! hopefully it's easy, like 30 questions m/c? that would be nice. i have no idea how this state does it though. i want a drink. i want vodka. i wish i had friends to hang out with. things have changed a lot since i left sf. my sf crew says the same thing, that nobody is partying hard like we did out there. all the crazy things that happened... i can't wait till next month when the boys come back again. apparently people aren't really talking to one another now, some feelings are hurt, blah blah blah. i try to stay neutral, i'm not purposefully avoiding anybody, i feel like i'm still cool with the people i want to be cool with. i want to reconnect with R though, i miss the friendship we had. i know he's a complete idiot, immature, semi-cocky, heartless, and a pro at hurting my feelings, but we still had something that clicked between us. i guess it's one of his girl friend's birthday next month, that's why he's coming out here. i think he somewhat convinced the other guys to come too, so that makes me happy. i know that girl, i like her, she's alright. i gave her a tampon once, we're okay. ugh i want a drink. damn thursday. i need a drinking buddy, i want to play. 6:42 p.m. - 2010-07-29 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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