silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- visitor yesterday JN texted me in the morning telling me that he was coming in to vegas for the day, passing through on his way north. so when he got in, we met up at a bar and it was actually really cute, he saw me and hugged me and picked me up. it was like we were a lot closer than i remember us being. apparently he thinks pretty highly of me, it's a little surprising. i was happy to see him. we just hung out all night, drinking and had some appetizers. he paid for everything, although i did offer. then we walked through some new place on the strip that was really pretty, and just talked a lot. i definitely told him more about me than i should've divulged, but whatever. i drink and i share. i need to learn to just shut up and not be so forward and open when i am drinking. but whatever, he was cool with the things i was saying. he's still a bit full of himself but i think it's partly a defense mechanism. he tries to show himself as a know it all and you are his inferior, but he doesn't shake me. he does try though, and i call him out for how i see through his bs and tell him that i've never seen him as the asshole that everyone thinks of him as. instead, his ignorance and attitude and cockiness makes me laugh at him. anyways, we had fun, wandered around and caught up with one another's lives. he wants me to come up and visit him, he wants to know the moment i get my license, he wants to be involved in my life now for some reason. but it's difficult of course, with both of us trying to get things together... we stayed out until about 4 am, in which i was sooo tired, which was a drag to drive back up to the house in that state of mind. at the end of the night we hugged and he gave me a kiss on the cheek, which was acceptable, i suppose. he's a good guy, i would like to spend more time with him. guess i'll have to visit him when i get some money, make a weekend trip. okay i admit, i had some weak moments there with him in which it felt like we were together, and i had urges to hold him or hold hands when we were walking through the casinos and along the strip. i just felt close to him, it's strange. because most of the interactions we had in school were more passive and quick, like we'd do lunch together, maybe a dinner here and there, and that's it. one weird thing, there was a night a year ago, june 2009, when we did the boat cruise and it was a mix of the classes, well last night he was showing me some pictures on his phone, and he was like do you remember this? and it was a view from the boat of the water and the city. and i'm like idk what was that? and he said that was a picture he took when he first saw me there, and then there was another one he took at the end of the night. it drives me crazy that he harbors these thoughts of me, while i was sitting there going crazy for R all the time. he told me before too when he called me a few weeks ago that he remembered a song that we had danced to. i don't knowww.. he's a character. who knows what the future holds. my near future involves food though. i'm hungry. i'm always hungry. ugh i'm such a pig... ah and M didn't like that JN was coming to see me. his jealousy is adorable. and CF is supposed to be coming out next weekend as well, and when M heard that too, he got a little fussy. but then i was like whoa you are a hater, you hate every guy who says they want to hook up with me, yet i'm supposed to just accept and basically not acknowledge his girl. but we just laugh about it. i always do have to call him out on that, because he sits around saying how much he wants me and misses me and blah blah blah, with complete disregard to his situation. some kind of double standard. and finally, i am growing more and more irritated and tired and pissed about my situation here, i am praying for that license to come through, because i really, really dislike living in this house. it's like i'm just stuck. stuck, stuck, stuck. yay i can sit and watch tv. how exciting. i just want that car and that license, two things to get me away from here. i swear, i really do, that once i get my first paycheck or two, i am out of here. i will be on the hunt for an apartment away from this part of the city. it drives me crazy. i will also be investing in a nice supply of beer and wine to calm my nerves. i can't even work with my punching bag while my dad is here because of the noise it makes and he's sleeping and blah blah blahhhhh. i just want my life back. i don't have my life right now. :( 3:56 p.m. - 2010-08-17 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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