silver4's Diaryland Diary

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Work and drs

I've calmed down. Emotions of late have been primarily those of frustration, irritation, anxiety. If nothing pops up asap, I will be taking the shit job. I just don't want to start off at a place that I already know I want to leave. I mean, yeah, it's work. But inside your mind and your self, you just know when something is or is not right for you. This just is not right, but nothing else is coming around. And even more verification that it isn't right is the fact that the girl who was supposed to call me back hours earlier called me at 10 pm saying she just got off of work. There is absolutely no way in hell that I will be working until 10 pm, are you kidding me? How is anyone supposed to survive working hours like they do, knowing that they will have tomorrows morning shift at 7 am again? The job perks better be really good for the assistants or something. So although I told the girl that I'd be full time at their farthest location because that one was more my speed, I still have doubts. And as much as I don't want to, today I think I will drop off my cv at this other drs office who my dad wants me to go to. My only hesitance is the fact that dad wants me to. I don't want to do what he wants me to do, not at all. But I just want something more my speed. I still, always, just want to be happy doing what I do, and the work environment is a factor.

In other news, the old dr called me yesterday as I was strolling the aisles of target with my friend AV. She and I had met up for lunch and then went wandering around places, being silly and passing time. So the phone rings and I expect it to be the girl calling me back, but instead, it's the man calling, saying that he wanted to check on how the beautiful, sexy dr was doing. His words, not mine. Mind you, yes, he was an instructor of mine. But he always said things like that, and he never says things further inappropriate or anything. To me, it's humorous. To him, who knows? I can't know what's in other people's heads. But there has to be a point where he thinks twice about considering calling me. He says that he misses me and that he's going to be in my state in a week or so, but not my city. A city like 8 hrs north of here. But he's like "oh blah blah you should come up here" and I'm like "oh no sorry obv I can't no $" and yeah. Now, when he says he misses me, it's not like when M says it, and I share the sentiment. He says that he misses the banter with me and just chatting blah blah, which translates to he misses staring at my body and lusting for me in person and hoping that I would actually go up to his office as he asked me to (for a colleague's phone number) and giving him more private time to stare at me. And of course that wouldn't happen. My whole thing is, I enjoy attention in general, as any woman would. It's just the degree of such and from whom. If it's some hot young (young as in my age and not this dr's) guy checking me out, then sure, have at it, I love it. I'm a flirt myself. A huge flirt and a huge tease. Everybody knows it. It's all protective though. I am outwardly confident to hide my insecurities and weaknesses. I have to protect myself so I don't get lost in emotions and self doubt. Speaking of which, R still hasn't found it at all to be worthwhile to tell me that he's going to be in town tomorrow. I mean, even if we can't hang out because he has other people, it would be nice to just acknowledge. I'm not going to pounce on him. My emotions are at bay. He has got to know that I know by now. I'm not stupid. You don't post shit on fb to hide it from people. But whatever, just another dagger in the heart. I think I'm running out of space for any more of his daggers there. He needs to slow it down.

Anyways. I should eat something and do some exercise and type up a letter to give to the dr I want to go see. And maye draft a love letter to send to old dr along with some pics of me. Kidding about that last one, obv. I'm sure he had some game with the ladies back in his day, he seems like a charmer. But I'm pretty sure I'm about 20-30 years younger than him, and that fact alone should give him a reality check. But if anything, he's someone I can talk to about owning a practice in the future. And if I wear a low cut shirt when we have that talk, maybe he'll give me some money. :)

8:23 a.m. - 2010-09-16

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