silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- verdad the other place said they wanted someone with experience. blah. i give up and give in to what i got. and so it is. i'm being outwardly strong. yet inside i'm very weak. i want to see him. i want to hang out with him. i want to be drunk and stupid with him. i wouldn't do anything stupid, i just want to be happy with him. just one night of partying and dancing. i can behave, i really can. i just miss my sf friends. i miss the people i was close to. i'm so happy when they come out here because we have such a good time together. i understand any hesitation he may have towards me, because our history is so fucked up. but we've had enough time apart. we barely talk. i reach out, minimally. he doesn't reach out at all. i understand; it's not worth it. i have residual feelings. i can't help the way i feel. i'm just glad that i won't let myself contact him. it's better this way, right? if he gave a shit about me or our friendship, he would contact me. right? if it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be. right? yeah... i thought so. 5:22 p.m. - 2010-09-17 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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