silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Lingers I didn't go out with R last night. He didn't get back to me until it was too late. As in 5 am when I was asleep. And then I couldn't fall back asleep for another hour or so and I was pissed that I didn't take any sleeping pills before I went to bed, with hopes that I might've slept through the buzzing of my text. But it was too late so meh. And I'm not bothered that he didn't get to me, I can't expect people to want me to tag along when they come in with other friends. I'm not affected. I'm really happy that I got to spend time with him at all. I'm not sure why I can't let him go completely. I mean, I'm okay and all, I'm fine when he's gone, and I'm happy when he's here. I don't have any expectations. But I feel like if we are just simple basic friends and we can keep it that way, the way we are around one another would be different. I'm not making sense. I mean with the closeness and all that shit together... The way I am with him, I'm not like that with my other general guy friends. M doesn't count in this category, hah. Whatever though, I don't take it for anything. I have come to terms with the fact that as long as I don't have a boyfriend and as long as he doesn't have that arranged marriage in process, then I will continue to be weak to him every time he comes around. So be it. I wouldn't even be surprised if I got into a real relationship one day and then R came down for a weekend with friends, I'm sure I would tell the boyfriend that I have plans and I'd stay over with R again. I know me. Until he has a girlfriend/wife whatever, I'm just going to continue being like this. I'll forget him and ignore everything while he's gone, and then he'll show up and I'll be back to old ways. Bring it. In other news, yesterday was M's first anniversary. I blanked on it yesterday, and he didn't mention it to me at all, but I talked to him via text this morning around 8, then fell asleep again and had a dream that he and I got in a huge argument that had us basically break off this thing and our friendship, and then his girl had some anniversary party that I was supposed to go to, and so I went but M and I wouldn't make eye contact and she got suspicious. They then started arguing about me and it all went to shit and the other people at the party were like WTF is going on? And then she got mad at me too, understandably, but i never admitted anything. Anyways, point is, that's what reminded me of the anniversary, so when I talked to him again this morning, I told him about the dream and said happy anniversary. He didn't like my dream but said thanks. The end. Nothing else to say. Except after that dream, the next one I had was me going to Tahiti with some of my family and friends. I liked that one. I wouldn't mind a vacay to Tahiti. 11:07 a.m. - 2010-09-19 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||