silver4's Diaryland Diary

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reflection

M left this morning for hawaii with his girl and their friends, going for about a week. it's a weird feeling when he's so far away. we don't even live in the same state, but now that i know he's even farther away, i can feel the distance. i can feel that i can't talk to him, can't text him. well... he'll text me when he gets settled there. it's like when he went off to costa rica, around this time last year too. but then he still found a way to talk to me pretty much every day. it just sucks because whenever my phone beeps for a text right now, i know it's not him. sigh.

hm. G just immed me, to tell me that he broke off his relationship with his girl. and i had told him when he was here a few weeks ago to tell me how it goes and that i'm here if he needs to talk. and so that's me. i accept the role. consoling and caring and a voice of reason and the whole "everything will be fine" blah blah.

i need to do something today. i need to go to the gym soon, and then just go drive somewhere. clear my head, even though it's pretty empty already.

maybe i'll go to the park. i just need to stop and breathe, away from here. too bad it's hot outside. that won't stop me, i'll find a tree with some shade. hm.

screw the gym, i'll just do something here, weights etc. gotta look good for that high school reunion on saturday.

someone's ringing the doorbell. if anybody were trying to contact me, they would call first. i don't know these people, this is my dad's house. hm. whoever it was got in the car and drove away before i could catch a glimpse. i know my sister comes around occasionally, but she would call first. i didn't recognize the car, but if it were my lil sis, i wouldn't recognize it anyways. who knows what she's driving these days. meh.

i have to collect my thoughts, if i even have any to collect. maybe i'll try to read "eat pray love". i only got through the eat part. the book just doesn't really grab me.

last night i saw the season premiere of ncis. at the end, as this girl dies, she says " 'will you walk into my parlour?' said the spider to the fly. do you know that poem?" and so my curious self, always quick to wonder what people are alluding to, grabbed my iphone and looked it up, and found the poem. it's sort of long but i'm going to post it because it was lovely. and then i shall run off somewhere to reflect.
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The Spider and the Fly
Mary Howitt

"Will you walk into my parlour?" said the Spider to the Fly,
'Tis the prettiest little parlour that ever you did spy;
The way into my parlour is up a winding stair,
And I've a many curious things to shew when you are there."
Oh no, no," said the little Fly, "to ask me is in vain,
For who goes up your winding stair can ne'er come down again."

"I'm sure you must be weary, dear, with soaring up so high;
Will you rest upon my little bed?" said the Spider to the Fly.
"There are pretty curtains drawn around; the sheets are fine and thin,
And if you like to rest awhile, I'll snugly tuck you in!"
Oh no, no," said the little Fly, "for I've often heard it said,
They never, never wake again, who sleep upon your bed!"

Said the cunning Spider to the Fly, "Dear friend what can I do,
To prove the warm affection I've always felt for you?
I have within my pantry, good store of all that's nice;
I'm sure you're very welcome -- will you please to take a slice?"
"Oh no, no," said the little Fly, "kind Sir, that cannot be,
I've heard what's in your pantry, and I do not wish to see!"

"Sweet creature!" said the Spider, "you're witty and you're wise,
How handsome are your gauzy wings, how brilliant are your eyes!
I've a little looking-glass upon my parlour shelf,
If you'll step in one moment, dear, you shall behold yourself."
"I thank you, gentle sir," she said, "for what you 're pleased to say,
And bidding you good morning now, I'll call another day."

The Spider turned him round about, and went into his den,
For well he knew the silly Fly would soon come back again:
So he wove a subtle web, in a little corner sly,
And set his table ready, to dine upon the Fly.
Then he came out to his door again, and merrily did sing,
"Come hither, hither, pretty Fly, with the pearl and silver wing;
Your robes are green and purple -- there's a crest upon your head;
Your eyes are like the diamond bright, but mine are dull as lead!"

Alas, alas! how very soon this silly little Fly,
Hearing his wily, flattering words, came slowly flitting by;
With buzzing wings she hung aloft, then near and nearer drew,
Thinking only of her brilliant eyes, and green and purple hue --
Thinking only of her crested head -- poor foolish thing! At last,
Up jumped the cunning Spider, and fiercely held her fast.
He dragged her up his winding stair, into his dismal den,
Within his little parlour -- but she ne'er came out again!

And now dear little children, who may this story read,
To idle, silly flattering words, I pray you ne'er give heed:
Unto an evil counsellor, close heart and ear and eye,
And take a lesson from this tale, of the Spider and the Fly.

11:42 a.m. - 2010-09-23

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