silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Bitter Sometimes I hate where I am in life. By sometimes, I mean most of the time. By most of the time, I mean now, and ten minutes from now, and most likely ten hours from now, and most likely ten days from now. Quite possibly ten weeks from now, the way things are going, but ideally not ten months from now. Every day I sit here, disheartened. I hate being in this house. I hate questions into my life. I hate being observed. The sooner I work and actually make good money, the sooner I can get out of here. I just want a place, any place, of my own, where my life isn't sitting in boxes. Where I don't have to search around for my belongings, where I can have things as I want them. Where my silence isn't considered as "something wrong", where my actions aren't questioned. I just need my own space where I can be happy and free, where I don't have to tiptoe around because I don't want to wake anybody, who will then ask me what's going on. I am so utterly frustrated. I feel like my anger just builds upon itself and it's never pushed down. I will snap one day, and I'd rather it be within the privacy of my own home. I feel so worthless, so uninspired. Hah. And I like how my silence and relaxation can only be me being tired or having a headache. I'm very alert. And I'm not in pain. I will be in pain later, I know I'll have a headache because I've been getting them again lately. But maybe I'm just pensive. Maybe I don't like to sit in front of the tv and waste my life away like the average jobless single broke uninspired American girl. And when people talk to me, I wish they'd get to the point sooner and not say bullshit superfluous words and thoughts as space fillers. Just say what you have to say. My tooth hurts a little, it's one that M did a filling on. It's just as well. But now I don't know who to go to to get it checked out. I think I'll go to a coffee shop and read. And no, I don't read anything fun and interesting, I only read dental books. Fiction doesn't really grab me anymore, but I want it to. I still never finished eat pray love. My mom said she wanted to go to lunch one of these days. I told her to call me whenever. I'll have to tell her to not introduce me as the doctor to every fuckin stranger and whoever the hell she knows that I don't know. It's annoying. She doesn't see it, but it's really really annoying. Then people ask me a ton of questions and all I want to do is eat my damn lunch. Anyways. 11:54 a.m. - 2010-10-20 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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