silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ummm idk Well hm. I almost went out tonight, to some club. But then my friend said it was a no go because some other friend blah blah blah. So I realized that I am wasting the end of my 20s. I am almost 30...meaning I am almost 29, in 2 months. Holy fuck. Am I reaching the end of appropriate Vegas clubbing? I still look early 20s, which is okay at times, but other times I feel I look my age, which I actually prefer, especially when it comes to my "job" (until it's actually steady, decent, and worthy, it will remain in quotation marks, because I otherwise don't believe it really exists, especially looking at my paychecks). And when it comes to guys hitting on me, I mostly see bold young men, which is cute and all, but I guess they don't realize I'm older than them or something. Not that I want much older guys, I just don't want 22 year olds. Dare I try online dating again? I didn't really give it much of a chance, I didn't see anyone that sparked my interest. That's why I have to get back into some random classes, just for fun and socializing with people who are not in my field. Ummm what was my point here anyways? Oh yes, I feel that I have wasted what was left of my youth. Since I no longer have friends to party with and everyone is in wedded bliss and forgetting that I exist, it's been difficult to build the desire to have fun and meet new people. I am not the type to just randomly go out by myself, I prefer a crew. It was good in d school, I usually had someone I could hang out with. But now I want the relationship. What the hell did I do wrong? Why does everybody else get to have somebody else? Okay, yes, I know, I go for guys I can't have. Yeah yeah, I get it, I won't do it anymore. That was a temporary issue I was having, I'm done doing that. I am ready to be available to somebody, pending that the man is available to me as well. So I'm going out for AT's bday, tonight I guess (Saturday already though I haven't slept Friday off yet), and I would appreciate it if I met a decent guy, not a Vegas visitor, not too young or too old. Someone who doesn't sit there telling me that I'm pretty with nothing else to say, because that is boring. Someone who sees me and wants to actually get to know me, and not just want to hook up. Because that's just not gonna fly. Someone who I could invite over for thanksgiving... next year. Okay, so this is probably asking too much from a guy I drunkenly meet at a club, but I'm going to be optimistic. Because this whole loneliness bit blows. And the girl i was going to go out with tonight, she's in a relationship that she wants to quit, so she was like "oh dont get married or anything, im gonna need a single friend to kick it with!" Well fuck that. I deserve my own shit too. Okay, I will not drink more than four drinks, when i go to AT's, because I have to work in the morning. Ughhh responsibility blows. But, I am basically 30 and all. Let's just hope that whoever I see at the club, I don't see at the office. Lost my point again. Delirious anyways. Gonna sleep now and see if dad wants to go to breakfast in the morn. Time for sleeping pills to make it official. Good night dland, sweet dreams 12:32 a.m. - 2010-11-20 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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