silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- mixed up hm. honestly, as much as i love M (as a friend), talking to him annoys me after a while. i like that he's someone i can talk to about real things, and he understands me and doesn't judge me. i can complain and bitch about life and whatever issues i may have, and he does the same to me. but me being not much of an emotional person anymore, and only being stupidly emotional towards select individuals (R of course), i don't really care to hear him call me 'dear' all the time, or say sweet stuff, or say that he misses me and blah blah blah. it's like i shifted to the off switch, and any of these cutesy things he tries to pull just doesn't cut it anymore. i'm over it, i don't care. and i'm going back out to sf in march, twice, and i know we will see each other at at least one of the events, but i have absolutely no desire to hook up with him or anything, even though he seems to think every time we are potentially together is an appropriate time to try. whatever. it's january. i'll clarify to him in february that i have no intentions to get involved with him again. i've said it before, that i don't want to just stupidly hook up with people, yet he seems to think he's an exception. whatever. but where it's at right now, i feel like he's obsessed with talking to me. wake up, he's texting. get on the computer, he's im-ming. all through the day and night, when he's out with his girl, he's secretly away texting me. every day, the same thing. i wonder how his relationship would be if i wasn't in the picture. his girl would definitely get a lot more attention. R is moving to texas, did i mention that? farther away, not like we ever met up or anything regularly as it was, but still, there will be even more distance. sigh. i guess i don't really care. i am curious though as to why i still have that pathetic inkling of hope for our friendship or more. probably because i occasionally watch the lifetime network, which has been notorious for giving me glimmers of hope because... i mean... it worked out for the people on tv, right?? sure. whatever, i just need someone to entertain me. that obnoxious grocery store guy was a complete bust, possibly because i don't tolerate stupidity very well. haven't gotten any texts from him in over a week :( boo. hoo. i could go for a long island. i texted my mom to see if she'd like to go to lunch or something today. didn't want to call and possibly wake her up. lunch with mom is good because she and i both know that both of us will want to drink haha. my sis calls me out on my 10 am beers, but mom? nah. sometimes the day just already starts off crazy and it's nice to down one beer to squash things a bit. i'm hungry. and i'm out of beer. suppose i'll go for a traditional breakfast. i was talking to R a little bit ago, to say good morning and some casual light chit chat. he sent me i will always miss the way things were for us in sf, but i will never tell him that. on to my day. i'm sure M will text me within the hour again though. sigh. 9:29 a.m. - 2011-01-09 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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