silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- deprimida sigh. i'm having one of those moments where it would be nice to have someone to talk to. i feel so... uninspired.. insignificant.. meaningless. i feel like i am unnecessary and just... a blah. hah. i feel like i am a blah. and so i am sitting around bummy, drinking beer and watching how i met your mother. next step is to go to the freezer and just grab a large spoon and dig into my double fudge brownie ice cream, because that's the kind of thing a blah would do. i feel so often like i want to cry, just to let out, but that i am really forcing myself to hold absolutely everything in because "i'm stronger than that" and i "can't be weak" and all this bs that i tell myself so that i am basically not a wimpy pussy. i need to be strong and tough at all times, because showing any signs of weakness would just reinforce my disappointment in and disapproval of myself. it's partly because i feel so alone. it doesn't help that i tell myself that i want to be alone. it's partly because i hate my living situation, but i'm adamantly working on changing that and set on buying a house soon. and of course the whole wanting work to be more than what it is, and wanting more for myself. who knows, who cares. patience. i'll just keep doing what i do and confiding in myself and maybe one day i will be able to help myself. no tears, no emotions. i'm tougher than that. 8:58 p.m. - 2011-01-18 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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