silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- nada i'm supposed to go out tonight, but not until midnight because i am waiting for CH to get off of work. last night hung out with AV, her hubby, and his bro, who i slept with last summer but we're cool. he gave me a bday card and he paid for everything. he's a really good guy, he's just... too good? like he's marriage material, and i think that scares me away from him. i know he'd never cheat, and yeah that's a wonderful thing. but then it leads me to look at myself, and i know how i am, and i know that i'd be more likely to fuck up any relationship with him because of my apparent commitment issues. when i feel like i could actually settle, maybe i'd look into him. but that's just too close to home. and i need more of a challenge. speaking of which.. R said hi to me today, it's been a while since we've spoken. maybe between 1-2 weeks. he asked if i was doing anything fun tonight and i said that i was just going to drink eventually. then just other nonsense chatter, and that's about it. as always, i told him that he should come out to vegas, and he said something about getting settled into texas blah blah first. i know it's really ridiculously pathetically lame, but i still want him to at least want to see me when he comes out in march for the bachelor party. and i'm hoping that the party is not one of the two weekends that i'll be in sf, just so that there is more chance of potentially seeing him and hanging out for even just a few minutes... it's so difficult when i know it's getting closer to him coming back here. and after the march visit, that's about it for a while. i can distract myself so much with family and friends and work and who knows what, but honestly, man... there's something there that is holding on. oh well. i'm strong. yay. i'm also tired as fuck. i woke up around 5:30 or so because i had to go to this continuing ed course this morning at 7:30. the course lasted until around 2:30, we did get an hour break for lunch though. it was really good, i felt like i learned some stuff, and i left there eager to throw in another aspect of training to practice. and more so, more eager to get my own practice in order and under way. i have to learn what it is that i need to do to start my practice. i think i'll spend some time in the bookstore tomorrow. i love my studies. i hope i can get my house soon. i just want a house. :( sigh. blaaaah okay. done. yay going out soon. i hope this sleepiness passes by me asap because i need to be able to hang... 9:49 p.m. - 2011-01-22 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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