silver4's Diaryland Diary

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somewhere out there

i don't know why i am allllways super sleepy when at the end of the day. sometimes i think there's something wrong with me. other times i think i just need to get with the program and exercise to regain energy. i'm just not used to crashing early; i'm used to at least being able to stay up all hours of the night and wake up super early and not be fazed by any of it. whereas now, even 10 pm rolls around and i am losing focus. that's gonna have to change soon...

since i have such a non-committal, flip-flop mind, i have decided again to pursue an apartment. i think the fact that my drive to and from work every day, although not crazy, is still at least 45 minutes (or worse with pm traffic) doesn't help my cause either. i just want to be closer to work and in my own space. so that is the decision. i'm not trying to save any more and plan things out any more for a down payment on a house, because i don't have the energy or the focus right now to really sit and look for one. decision made and final. i just have to monitor my finances and check out my account over the next few weeks and i'll be straight. and maybe defer loans for about 3 months. (feel free to stop reading if you haven't already; i know this is boring. this is the ramble that's playing around in my head quite regularly. if it isn't teeth haunting me, it's organizing my life that does... but i'll stop soon.) i just need to have a buffer to collect myself and get on my feet.

i'm a big fan of cooking. i love to cook, i love to eat. i love experimenting with food and watching food network and playing around with things. but since i don't have my own kitchen and all of my kitchenware is sitting in the garage suffocating in boxes :( i don't get to express my culinary creativity lately. my dad doesn't seem to appreciate the variety that i bring along; he likes things standard, like there is only one way to cook things. and that would be his way. dare i bring in different veggies (he doesn't cook with fresh veggies), he's all hesitant. it's cute.

i don't even know where i'm going with this one.

i had a vickie's gift card from my lil sis for christmas and VS always send a $10 coupon for bdays, so i went to the mall after work and bought some much needed new undergarments. i even ventured and bought something sexy, knowing damn well i won't be showing off to anybody any time soon. a girl can dream...

ummm... what else? work was okay today. still slow, what's new? but it doesn't really matter if it's slow or crazy busy, it usually takes just one thing to make the difference for me in a day, and i think i need to pay attention every day to figure it out and gain appreciation for it. so today a patient came in for an exam, maybe in her early 50's, and she hadn't been to a dentist in 10-20 years. super fearful and nervous, and i knew this ahead of time, so i knew to go in and be super descriptive and patient with her. turned out she only had one issue that we needed to tend to, but after i talked it all through and reassured her that it was fine and that i wasn't going to torture her and that i was actually on her side (the dentist is your friend, not your foe :) well most of the time... well at least i am... i know there are some crazies out there, but i try to be nice), she ended up being super calm and super appreciative and happy to be with me. so she gave me a lot of praise to the front office (and all i did was an exam and just talked a lot) and then literally about 30 minutes after she left, some other patient called to schedule an appt with me based off of a referral from her! i always wonder if people will like me and respect me and refer others to me, and looks like it works out :) so yes, that will be my work highlight for today. tomorrow is EXTREMELY slow for me, and i have a patient at the very end who didn't want to listen to a single word that i said and didn't believe anything i said, and so i have no idea why she even wants to come in if she's going to be difficult and argue with me the whole time... but dammit, i'm going to find something positive in that experience. i will be chasing silver linings, regardless of how tough they will try to hide themselves from me.

i've been trying to be a more positive person lately, and when people give me attitude and do stupid, ignorant things, i just think that you know what? this guy/girl is probably just having a bad day, so i will wish positive thoughts towards them and hope good things come their way. it thus eases my stress and gets me over the quick brush of irritation that they were trying to sprinkle on me. sometimes you just need a hug. so i will send out mental hugs to whoever and search the clouds for a line of positivity. i know it's out there... and maybe something good will come my way as well (say, maybe... a decent guy??? doesn't hurt to ask).

good night, dland.

11:28 p.m. - 2011-01-26

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