silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- amor times like this, not particularly this moment, but this time of the month, i wish i could've worked some magic and rounded up somebody to have some romantic interest in. valentine's day around the corner, and it basically disappoints me every year. back in the day, when i had single friends, we would go out to lunch or dinner together. not to bash on nonexistent relationships, but just because. and i would buy the mixed packs of red, pink, and white roses and divide them up and tie them with a bow and grab boxes of chocolates and cards, leaving the gifts at my friends' doorsteps super early before they'd go to work or so. i've always been a giving person. i still give gifts and send cards to my friends and family; i need to get on valentine's day cards for some of my dental friends... the girls at least, since the men don't always react well to that stuff, although platonic. i do wish, though, that someone out there actually gave a shit about me and would think about me on valentine's day. i'm not requesting flowers or cards or candies or oversized teddy bears. i simply want someone out there (not a relative or basic friend... you know) to care about me enough to simply think about me. i don't even have to know it, they don't have to call or write or text me or anything. i can remain completely oblivious to any emotions floating around in the sky. i just feel empty, always. and i think that maybe if somebody had me on his mind, maybe that positivity and affection could find its way to me and touch my heart. in the meantime, i'll just be who i always am on valentine's day; anonymous. some random woman walking along... don't mind me, i am entitled to emo moments. i just miss having feelings towards someone, anyone. well, not anyone. i am wonderful at being affectionate. tis a shame that i don't get the opportunity to express said affections. and it was worse of a shame to sit back and watch myself lose that heart that i had towards R. or whatever that bs i had towards M. or that transient bs i had towards H... it just never turns out right for me. not like i expected it to in any of those situations. i didn't deserve it. sigh. you try to be a good person, you try to make some changes and get into a field that can help people and you don't try to con anyone or rip them off for their money. you try to be honest and kind and giving and respectful... all of that stuff. waiting for that break. not expecting much. just would appreciate a little acknowledgment in the world, just throw something positive back at me... or i'll just sleep it off like i do everything else. 11:47 p.m. - 2011-02-08 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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