silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Get me out Why did I wake up at 6:30? I didn't want to wake up at 6:30, I would rather wake up at 9:30. It's Saturday. I don't have to do anything today. Ugh.. I knew I should've taken sleeping pills. I was regretting it as I closed my eyes, assuming that I would just pass out easily from alcohol, but nope. Anyways. There's a hawaiian festival today. My two current assistants will be there, and I'm supposed to go to it with my hygienist... err not sure if she's still my hygienist. She was supposed to email the main dr on Thursday that she's completely done there. I hope she did; I love the girl but the place is ridiculous. Oh, yes. Thursday the main dr and office manager sat me in the "consult room" (which is the most ridiculously annoying place because they all try to be serious and have serious talks in there, and I honestly would like to rip the doors off of that room, but I digress), and they were like "oh, we get the sense that you're not happy here. Is something going on? Is there anything that we can do?" Umm yeah...you can let me out of my misery and fire me? I sort of wish it were me who got let go from that place instead of the other dr sometimes. I just want to be gone. I want to get paid for what I've done and just leave. Just. Leave. So they sat there and said that anything they can do to make it better for me blah blah blah, am I mad at office manager, blah blah blah. Come on. I've told the girl several fuckin times that I will not emote and express bs feelings to them. I don't care. I've mentally checked out. I detest every day that I am there. I don't make any money, and it just doesn't feel right. I don't mean to be sappy or hallmarky right now, but it doesn't feel like the dentistry I want to be doing. I dont feel like I'm doing good (not that I'm doing bad); I feel like there's no "giving back" or teaching or improving self-image or health or lives. There isn't any heart to it, except in a few cases. I like the hugs. I like when patients are so happy and they hug me, because they love how things have changed for them. Instead, I have some patients who act completely indifferent and unappreciative and a few who are higher end and have money and have such an ego. I talk to everyone like they are my friends. I have casual conversation with them and tell them to things about me and joke around with them, and I lend my personality to everything I do and everyone I work with. I don't feel like a dentist to them, I feel like a friend.. And that's not a complaint. That's how I want to feel. But it's not with everyone. I feel underrespected by a higher amount of people, I feel unappreciated by my employer, and i feel like I work my ass off and put up with a lot of shit and an equal amount of drama, and it reflects annoyingly on my pathetic paycheck. If I have to put up with all of this, I should at least be compensated accordingly for it. I'm not going to put up with it much longer. I can't. I need to get out of this place. I don't feel like I'm giving back to the right community. It isn't giving back, it's doing what they expect and think they deserve. I'd rather work with kids. Kids are fun and although they don't know what the heck is going on, they are bundles of joy. They are a lovely balance between tears and laughter. And at the end of the day, I would feel better, because when it's kids and you can control the decay, you are changing things for them. Adults often just don't care, unless you really are making a difference like braces etc. I didn't really explain myself, but the point is that my heart isn't into it, the place makes me dread every day. I need to basically start my own practice and that will be the only way to get what I want and how i want it. And if I feel underappreciated, it would be my own doing. The other point is that I hope to meet some nice hot hawaiian guys. Those are my goals. To get out of this drama zone that depresses me and leads me to pound the beer after work, and to meet nice hot Hawaiian men. 6:49 a.m. - 2011-04-16 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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