silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- La noche buena What a world this has turned out to be for me. A silent world, as I often find myself with nobody to talk to. A lonely world, for the same reason. A fake world as well, as I put on that glorious smile and let my face shine, cheerily letting my "happiness" exude. I made my annual sister's Christmas gift. Last year was decorated snuggies. This year I decorated some boy shorts underwear. Over the years, I've done sweaters, gloves, purses, necklaces, and headbands. This has been going on since 2005 I believe. I basically just went to town with felt decorations and fabric glue. Turns out very cute, just impractical. The family always loves it though, thats all that matters. And I always dress up for the holidays, so this year I bought stockings that I will wear as shoes, garland and bells for random accessories, and big red bows for my hair and, well, just to look excessively ridiculous. I always go to extremes. Why? Attention? For the laughter and to bring joy to the fam? I suppose so. But again, it's partially just a facade. I'm just reaching. This whole lost feeling is getting exhausting. I have to paint my nails red. My outfit for tomorrow is red and white. Understandably. I really need to start dropping pictures on this site. I think some of my holiday outfits are impressive. My friend JK, whose wedding I went to last month, is going to take a break from her husband for a month or so. She apparently needs the time to figure stuff out. No shit. Ah, the glory of cultural pressured marriage. My friends are sending me holiday cards and texts with pictures of them in their happy marriages with warm holiday wishes. Fuck that. Way to rub it in my face my lack of relationship accomplishments. Just kidding. I don't really care. I do, but I don't. Just give me Tool. That will be my birthday present to self. That, plus I want to take a trip. M is coming to Vegas in april for a bachelor party. The friend in me wants to see him to hang out. The sexual woman in me wants to cave and hook up. One version of me will win. My patient from school in sf sent me candy and a card and cd for christmas. I think he is like 74. Sweet guy. In all honesty, he is the only person who makes me think that I am a good person inside. He seems to think i have a good heart. I could only dream to be the woman that he believes that I am. Tangents. Whatever. Merry Christmas, happy holidays. Back to the wine. 10:00 p.m. - 2011-12-24 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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