silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ahh spring I watched Donnie Darko for the first time a couple days ago. I really enjoyed that movie... I had heard of it before and I had actually bought it over a month or two ago, and just barely opened it. Glad I did.. I know too many people who are expecting babies right now. AV, M's wife, a couple coworkers, a cousin... A few people from d school.. I'm glad I'm not too close to too many of these people, because honestly I am not a fan of baby showers and the guess the chocolate poopy diaper game. And the oohs and aahs of the cute baby clothes. Perhaps I am jaded, as I am not one of the motherhood crew yet, but whatever. I went to my cousin's baby shower last weekend and I could only handle so much cuteness. And regarding cousins, I went to a graduation for one, from a drug rehab program, on Thursday. It was actually extremely sad. I hate to show emotion, but I felt like tearing up and crying when I saw this video of her in the jail and courts, her mugshot from getting arrested for heroin. She has been on and off of heroin and meth for several years, at least 6 or 7 years. I believe she turns 27 or 28 within the next couple weeks. She has an almost 5 year old daughter. I've always thought this cousin was so beautiful and so lovely, but she definitley lost herself along the way and got mixed in with the wrong people. She got in a bad relationship and just like my sister, married the guy when she found out she was pregnant. But fortunately is divorced. Her grandparents have custody of the little girl, but they are in their 70s and they are visibly worn, drained, and exhausted by the back and forth rounds of addiction and rehab and the stress with custody and wanting her to get out of the hold of the drugs. But she went through some court program and is over 500 days sober, and I'm really hoping she can stay away from it this time. Such a beautiful girl... And our family has already lost someone too soon from years of drug abuse, I don't think anyone is ready for another. We all make our decisions though. I know I could easily fall into alcohol abuse if I didnt control myself. I have to tell myself to stop and to watch it, mostly because I don't want any issues with my dental license. I guess it helps that I've switched away from drinking beer all the time to something more tranquil like wine. And I stopped turning to drinking to solve/cover my life problems and stress. And it helps that R is no longer a stressor in my life, nor an influence. Most importantly though is all the damn weight I gained in school that I attribute to drinking and stress drinking/eating. Fortunately I'm not terribly overweight, I am just rather uncomfortable with my current appearance.. No one else seems to notice, plus I put in the gym time. Anyways. Lastly, I still really like ML. I don't want to. It isn't a strong interest; since I feel aware of the situation with him, it doesn't pull me too much. But it's that damn nagging in the back of the head that keeps my attention. I...ugh. I just hang in there and go about my day. I'm craving artichokes with melted butter. Mmm. Happy Easter dland :) 1:39 a.m. - 2012-04-08 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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