silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Error M is in the city. I picked him up from the strip yesterday and we went to lunch for an hour or so, chatted a bit. Then went back to my place and showed him around blah blah blah. He tried to get close to me and all that good stuff, but I am proud to say I stuck to my plan and denied him. He kept alluding to it and I basically said yeaaah no that's not a good idea. So I'm thinking maybe that nonsense is done with forever. I just want a regular friendship that I can clearly have with other guys. I kept asking questions about his wife and the pregnancy, and I mentioned some other douche guy who tried to hook up with me who was in a long term relationship and I wasn't feeling it. I wasn't intending to make a correlation between them, he picked up on it, and then I just ran with it. It was actually funny, because he became jokingly defensive about his particular situation, but I just generalized him with any guy in a relationship who tries to get with me on the side. And how douche-like and stupid that is. So I believe I made the picture clear, and I'm hoping the situation is settled. Additionally, when he looked around my place and went to the bedroom, he came across the picture I have of myself with ML the first night we went out, and I saw him staring at it for a while. I didn't say anything to him and I pretended not to notice, I just kept on guiding him on the tour, saying "and this is the closet! And this is the bathroom!" I have mentioned ML before, in the very beginning, before we even went out I believe. But I don't tell M anything about guys in my life anymore because he is noticeably jealous and I dont have the mood or patience to deal with a fussy guy. Besides, I don't know what progress has been made in that department. I called that place back that had emailed me; the guy sounded interested and he said he would follow up with me to meet, interview. I liked what he was saying, so I am crossing my fingers here. I haven't seen the place yet, but it sounds decent. So cross your fingers out there with me?? I think I'm supposed to go out to breakfast with my dad today..I told him Sunday would be cool. He had called me on Friday but I was sitting around in my pjs feeling a little sick still. Today I feel okay, woke up fine finally. This cold is pretty much a week long, but fortunately the shitty days have been well gone, it's just lingering bs. New lesson for my colds: even if it feels like I am almost okay, don't drink a couple glasses of alcohol. I just regressed after doing such, and it blew. Literally. My nose. Sigh. ML did something bad. I was texting him a couple nights ago, before bed. Well, definitley bedtime because it was midnight. I has just taken my pm meds and was falling asleep probably several times better than I have the previous nights. He was at the gym and said he was going to get a sandwich from there that he likes. I didn't respond for a while (again, I was falling asleep), and he texted oh you must be falling asleep. I woke to that one and said yeah I'm in bed, falling in and out, the medicine is working for once. I asked if he was home and if he would bring me his sandwich. Jokingly of course. He doesn't even know where I live. He said no, that he's not sharing. I told him (again joking) that he was selfish, and asked havent I always been nice to you? And then I fell asleep, it was over. At that point it was 12:45, I had no more strength to stay awake. I wake up again at 5 because that's what my body likes to do is do surprise wake up sessions. I look at my phone to check the time and I see that he replied at 1:30, saying "yes you have I love you" . Grr. You are not supposed to say that. You just don't say that, in light context, to some girl that is actively falling for you. He didn't have to say all that. He could've said "yes you have" and left it at that. You don't throw around certain words. I am not particularly emotional, I won't get clingy, I won't over analyze what he says. But it shook me, and I was upset, because you just DON'T SAY THAT. Am I wrong? Now yes, I am certain it is the love that I share for all of my friends, men and women alike. I love and care deeply for them all. But he and I have been talking for just two months now, every day. We have gone out only three times, and I don't get the slightest indication that he has any interest in me aside from what a wonderful friend I am to him, blah blah blah. Words that are the enemy to someone who is developing more interest in you as the weeks go on. To someone who, in the privacy of conversations with other people (my sister, a couple girlfriends), I proclaim that I am "desperately in love" with him. To someone who is actively trying to find the way to transition this blossoming friendship into a budding relationship. So there are rules that both parties must follow. And one essential rule, it is an unspoken rule, like all others, is to not casually throw around the little phrase "I love you". I dont care if its around the context of a sandwich at midnight. It was an unjustified, unwarranted phrase at the time, and dammit, once I saw that I was like wtf and I couldn't fall back asleep for a couple hours. So that's the stupid thing that he did. I texted him back later that morning, because he doesn't wake up until like 11 or so, and I said "blah blah sorry, I fell asleep, didn't see your last text till 5 blah blah hope you slept well etc and that you are feeling okay blah blah love you too " Of course the blah blahs are real words, but if he could throw it out there like nothing, well so can I. Except I pathetically mean it more. And then we had normal texts after that. I didn't address anything because, well let's face it, there is nothing to address. The goal was to not over analyze. At least outwardly. But i myself have stared at that text some twenty times trying to find why he found it appropriate to say that 45 minutes after my last question, at 1:30 in the damn morning. Crap, well this is my over analyzing. Whatever. And you know, M has said that he loves me before too, a few times, and I basically told him to shut up and keep that to himself. Different situation there. Anyways. Suppose I will get myself together now. I shall call dad up soon about breakfast. Might as well jump in the shower. Another glorious day. 8:07 a.m. - 2012-04-15 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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